Beginning of Fairies
by youdidwinsodidi
Summary: AU. In which Kurt and Blaine never met in High School, but found that maybe an innocent child could make them connect. In which both are lost and alone but finds that the fairytale is written in the other's eyes. Nanny!Blaine. Warning: Language. Please read it, it might surprise you.
1. A sudden Encounter

_This story starts off on a windy morning in the year of 2017. Kurt and Blaine are both individuals, but fate decided to turn everything around for them. Breeding on a plan to put both of them on the biggest emotional rollercoaster they will have ever experienced, bringing them together and intertwining their stories that nothing can break them apart again._

_This is where their fairytale begins._

_3rd of September in the year 2017_

_Hi mom, it's me again - Sorry that I haven't written you for a long time._  
_I finally moved to New york, and I'm a musician._  
_I'm looking for a job now though, because dad stopped giving me money after I dropped out of college.. But you must understand I couldn't stay in Columbus anymore, mom - it didn't feel right..._

_I moved to New York and I sometimes play at restaurants or coffee bars on Friday nights, enjoying the life I must say._  
_Though when I'm walking through the streets, I often find myself wondering, mom. Remember the times you told me to find true happiness in the smallest places? Am I doing the wrong thing now? The emptiness lingers wherever I go, and I seem to be unable to fix all what I've done wrong. I want to fix everything mom, but I can't. Everything is a mess which I am staring upon, and it seems like I will have to feel the guilt forever._

_I'm lonely mom,_  
_sometimes I do wish you were still here because..._  
_I can't seem to find the right direction,_  
_or the right path._

_I miss you_

_I'm going to go sleep now mom,_  
_goodnight_

Kurt wakes up by a light weight straddling his chest.

"Dada! Dada!"

"Dada's sleeping, honey," Kurt groans as he tries to ignore his daughter's incessant babbling. "Fai should be sleeping too."

He really doesn't feel like leaving his dream-self. The Hawaiian beaches seem so appealing to the hard-working man. Just thinking about it, even now in his half-conscious state, his body feels lax against the sheets.

Until Fai climbs upon his back and presses her knee on his shoulder blade.

"Ouch! No, Fai! No, geroff me—" Kurt twists his body and captures the child in his hands only to find the dapper is well used.

"I'd say I hate you," Kurt mutters as Fai giggles incoherently, "but that'd be a lie. I hate your nature calls, though, make no mistake."

"Dada," she says innocently.

"That doesn't work on me, young lady," he says as he gets up from the bed, feeling the unpleasant chills from outside the covers. "Come here, princess," he says and brings the little child to his chest. "Let's get you cleaned up."

_Then I'll have to ask for a nanny, because this isn't working_, Kurt thinks to himself. _All the work takes up too much of my time and Fai's only twelvemonth. Having a nanny would make her far less alone and it'd be good for my apparent stress problems that the doctor talked about_.

"But then again," he mutters out loud, "who's to say I'm stressed?"

His stomach grumbles in protest, making him glance at the clock which rudely tells him he's going to get late for work if he doesn't hurry up.

"Shit," he curses and tries to ignore the hopeless feeling rising in his chest. He stares at his daughter and sighs. "I'll have to make a phone call, honey," he tells her as though she would understand. "And then you'll get all the attention you need, I promise."

He feels like a bad person for not prioritising his daughter. He tries, and that makes him feel slightly better. But he isn't cut for the job. Not when he's working for Fashion and has to work over-time basically every day. He has tried to take Fai to his work, but she disturbed too many workers. He has tried to take the work home to his study, but he didn't get much done due to Fai's constant need for attention. So he usually left her with an elderly woman in the neighbourhood, but he has been throwing around the idea of getting a nanny for weeks.

On his search for the phone catalogue, he grabs his phone and calls his employer to explain why he was running late. Luckily, she's more than understanding, but even she only has so much patience.

"There," he calls victory as he finds the heavy book. He finds a company which offers nannies. Things definitely have changed since Kurt went to High School, which he finds relieving.

"Nannies and Company, this is Annabelle Ellis speaking, how can we help?"

Kurt almost laughs at that because, how do they think they can help given the purpose of their company, but he manages to hold his tongue.

"Hi, my name's Kurt Hummel, and I'd like to hire a nanny for the day. Like stat."

"Oh, right," the woman says. Kurt can hear her type something down to their data system. "Let me transfer you to a young male named Blaine Anderson and you can talk to him about it. He's basically always available. If that doesn't work, he'll transfer you back to our system and we'll try again."

What the heck? Try again?

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but I've got work, and I've got a twelvemonth girl whose tummy must be fed and—"

"_Beep. You are being transferred to one of our employees. Beep._"

"Fuck you too, Ellis!" Kurt snarls as he rushes to the bedroom to pack his portfolio. He almost stumbles on the threshold when Fai starts screaming after Kurt again.

"_Beep_."

"C'mon, answer, please, my life depends on it!"

"Yeah, it's Blaine?"

_Wow, that's a nice voice_, Kurt thinks before shaking his head.

"Oh, yes, hello, my name's Kurt Hummel and I'd like you to come over to my house like now and watch my daughter whilst I'm at work if it isn't too much of a bother. We can discuss pay later, but I assure you, I'll pay for taxi or fuel and then – let's say – 100 bucks for the bother?"

_Please, say yes, oh sweet dear Lord, if you exist, make him say yes_.

"I—100 bucks?" the man stutters.

"Yes," Kurt assures him. Then he frowns as a thought crosses his mind. "I could give you 200 if you want that instead? How much are you usually being paid? I swear, I'm willing to give you however much you need, if you could just come over within the half hour—"

"Oh, yes, I—where do you live then?"

"Do you know 729 7th Avenue?" Kurt asks, suddenly feeling a bit insecure.

"That's just around the corner. So I'll be there in a few minutes."

"Oh, thank you, thank you!" Kurt exhales as he rushes to the still screaming Fai.

"-lease as fast as you can" Blaine had just applied to a babysitter company this week, and he had already been called way too many times. He needed money to pay for his rent, and babysitting seemed like an easy option since he loves kids, and it pays well. Earlier this week he had babysit some 5 years old for 3 hours and he got 50 bucks for it. He patted himself on the shoulder for that afterwards, smiling proudly at himself.

So here he is, walking to a certain Kurt Hummel's house. Blaine is sure he had heard the name before, but he just couldn't put his finger on it. The man sounded in a hurry on the phone, and hell - he was offering Blaine 200 bucks, he'd go a week without hair gel for that money. He chuckles at his own thought of going without hair gel, looking down at his watch, signalising he has 10 more minutes left before he was supposed to be there.

Blaine halts in front of a huge apartment, and his jaw drops at the sight of it.  
"Jesus freaking christmas.." He mumbles under his breath, shivering because of the cold september wind. He realises he should've taken a coat but the weather seems so warm from the inside.

He doublechecks the paper to see if he is indeed at the right apartment, and rings the door. He hears a lot of noise and then the door opens, only to reveal the most beautiful man he had ever seen in his life. His eyes are blue, no, green, blue? They are like a mix of both the colors, and his skin is so pale and flawless and Blaine realises he should probably stop staring at the man in front of him, but...

"-eep standing there because I am in quite the hurry, so if you wouldn't mind to fasten your pace a little bit more than usual and also good morning I'm Kurt and this is Fai and.."

"Blaine Anderson"

They had moved into the house in the middle of Kurt's rant, and Blaine extends his hand to the rambling man in front of him, which the man rudely refuses. Kurt turns around and grabs his jacket, placing Fai on the carpet in front of Blaine, laying some money down on the table and grabbing a piece of paper.

"No time for introductions, look – here's my number, the kitchen is free for anything you like, call if you need anything but since I'm assuming you already know how to deal with kids I'm sure that won't be necessary? alright, I'm getting home by 8 PM tonight okay? See you later Blare, thanks."

"Blaine.."

"Blaine, whatever – bye."

Kurt closes the door leaving a starstruck Blaine standing in the kitchen with a paper in his hand, trying to proces everything that just happened the past 2 minutes. He's left alone with a one year old girl, he barely knows anything about. Is this man like insane or something? He mutters some quiet curse words to himself and slowly turns around to look at a little girl staring up at him.

"Alright... your dad seemed to be in a true hurry, huh..."He kneels down to be at eyeheight with the little girl, who is still eyeing him suspiciously

"I'm Blaine, and you are ..." He grabs the paper again and reads the name carefully.  
"Fai, hm? what a cute name for a cute girl" he singsongs while slowly lifting the toddler into his arms, revealing a yawn from the girl.

"Tired already? Maybe that's why your dad was in such a hurry, kept him up all night huh?" he laughs quietly while pinching her nose.

"Dada?" The way she says the word sounds like a question, staring with blue innocent orbs at the curlyhaired boy in front of her. Blaine shakes his head as a response and places the girl on the couch, grabbing a pink blanket and laying it over her. He stares at her for a couple of minutes before she falls asleep quietly and sits down next to her on the couch.

Now for the first time in the past 30 minutes, he allows himself to look around. The house itself already looked amazing from the outside, but the inside was even more impressive. The colors were amazing, and the furniture, wow.

He lets his eyes waver over all the things in the apartment and stops at a pile of magazines, Vogue. He had always loved Vogue, always refering to it being one of the first indications of him being gay.

Blaine starts reading in the one on top, slowly realising he has never read this one before.

_Strange, I own all Vogue magazines._

He stops at the page with the sticker, and reads it carefully and stops at the bottom.  
"Written by Kurt Hummel"

Well shit sherlock, if Blaine wasn't at someone else's home at the moment, he's sure he would've pissed his own pants.

_Blaine, pissing pants is for people aged under 10 year old, man up_

He's sitting in the house of one of the writers of his favourite magazine?Blaine considers his two options, freaking out or being calm. He settles for being calm, and stare at the house some more.

He should've realised sooner that he was in the house of someone that has to do with fashion since it's a man with a perfectly decorated house. He mentally slaps himself for not noticing any sooner, but still...

The gorgeous man he just met is Kurt Hummel, Kurt Hummel has a daughter, and is a writer of Vogue. Blaine finds himself wondering if he has just met God or something, and then laughs his own incoherent thoughts away.

The sound of the crying toddler wakes Blaine up, and he quickly looks over to the clock, signalising that it's 1PM.

"Shit" he mumbles under his breath, lifting the toddler in his arms walking over to the kitchen, and places her in the high chair and grabs a bottle of milk. He hands the milk to her and then looks back into the fridge.

_'Kurt, for crying out loud, why don't you own any baby food?' _  
He eventually settles for some bananas and some animal crackers, handing them over to the little girl who had stopped crying now.

"I'm sorry I bailed on you like that" Blaine says, sitting down in front of her. Fai lifts her head curiously looking at Blaine, reaching out her hand, grabbing one of his curls.

"Hey!" He lets out a soft chuckle, covering her hand with his hand, trying to untangle her hand from his hair. If the girl wasn't 1 year old, Blaine would be sure that the girl is actually smirking at him, finally letting go of his hair.

He grabs the spoon and spoons some of the food out of the box, staring at Fai for a second, who opens her mouth in anticipation.

"_vrrrrrrooom_"

He holds the spoon out in front of him, bringing it to her mouth. The girl giggles in response, her eyes disappearing when turning into an eyesmile and Blaine is pretty sure that if anyone would see him right now, he'd die of embarassment.

When they finish eating, Blaine lifts her up and pats her back waiting for her to burp. He runs his fingers through her hair for a second as she yawns again.  
"Tired a lot aren't you?" He frowns at her, but she puffs soflty against his chest and he can't help but smile a cheesy smile at the girl as she puts her down again on the couch, grabbing the blanket again and this time also a teddybear, laying it next to her.

"Well, if you are asleep, I guess I can sleep too, goodnight Fai"

Blaine opens his eyes to see the clock indicating 6 pm, which means he had 2 hours before Kurt came home. He stares quietly at the girl who had been playing with her teddybear that was beside her.

"I told you to wake me upppppp Fai" Blaine mutters on a laughing tone. _Phew, I'm talking to a one year old, yay social life._

Blaine realises enough that he had no social life since he had moved to New york, but he decided on the fact that it was okay, as long he didn't have to see the disapproving look of his father anymore.

He lifts the girl up and puts her in the high chair again, preparing some mac&cheese for her as he realises that maybe he should cook something for himself and Kurt too whilst he is at it,I mean, the man must be pretty busy if he's a vogue writer.

_'A vogue writer, Blaine, a freaking Vogue writer.'_

Blaine fanboys once more, doing a misguided dance before he looks into the cupboards, realising he has everything to make spaghetti. Going over the possibilities again of being looked weird at by Kurt, he decides to just do it and make the food. He grabs everything he needs, and turns to look at Fai one more time, showing her a confident look, before mentally facing the battle of the kitchen.

"Well Fai, There we go..."

Kurt feels like crying in frustration as he slams the car door shut. It has been a long day for him, and it didn't help knowing he had left his daughter with an almost complete stranger.

He'd nominate himself as the worst father ever.

His boss, Marilyn Bailey, had been nagging at him the entire day. Do this, Kurt, and do that. The usual old paperwork with the usual requests for designs. Whilst Kurt loves his work, it could get a bit too hectic.

"What you need is a coffee," he tells himself as he pulls out on the road.

He wonders if he's going to find the apartment in ruins. He wonders if the Barney man has kidnapped his daughter. Has the man actually taken care of Fai or has he just been sitting off the time?

Subconsciously, Kurt's hands grip the wheel so hard his knuckles turn white.

"Don't panic," Kurt mutters. "Fai is fine. She has to be."

But there is that little voice in the corner of his mind that almost sneers; _Maybe he's like Andrew?_

But what was the chance? Kurt would've noticed if something was off with the guy, wouldn't he? And people called Nannies & Company all the time - they had said that Blaine was good.

Hadn't they?

He bites his cheeks and tries to blink away the tears.

"Why are you crying?" he asks himself. "Fai's going to be fine, she probably slept the entire time- oh God, oh God, oh sweet Lord-"

Kurt almost crashes into the car before him when he remembers that article in the newspaper last year.

The one about that paedophile working as a nanny.

What if-

"Pull yourself together, Hummel," Kurt sneers at himself. "What's the likelihood? The guy's probably just another college student trying to make money. Who's got spare time on Monday. Who's free on Monday. Fuck."

The tears seem to well up again and Kurt is starting to consider that maybe the doctor was right, maybe he was more than stressed. These moodswings appears awfully often and he has to admit it's a bit worrisome.

It takes longer than Kurt would have preferred to get to his apartment, but when he does, he's not ashamed to admit he practically slams the door open.

He can hear a yelp of surprise from the kitchen and something that sounds suspiciously like a glass crashing.

"Crap, crap, crap, crap," curses that familiar voice and then: "OK, honey, you've gotta stay put here-"

"What's going on?" Kurt asks, stomping into the kitchen without taking off his shoes like he usually does.

"You surprised me," Barney says, squirming under Kurt's suspicious glare. "I dropped the glass on the floor."

"Is Fai hurt?" Kurt asks, scooping his daughter into his arms, trying to figure out if she is in any pain. However, her face stayed joyous enough.

"I don't think so, no," Barney apprises. "She barely reacted."

"Oh," Kurt says and looks over at the man. He seems like that kind of down-to-earth man that shouldn't be living in New York City of all places.

As he fully takes in Barney's appearance, he realises that this man is no older than himself and looks like he wouldn't be able to harm a fly.

Kurt almost wants to ask, but seems to be able to stop himself for once.

"Have you been crying?" Barney asks, softly tilting his head to the side.

Kurt can literally feel his cheeks redden. Is it really that obvious?

"No," he answers and turns his face away.

"Oh," Barney says, his tone indicating that he doesn't believe Kurt.

"What are you making?" Kurt asks and poses in a defensive stance. He's still not at the ease with having a stranger in his apartment.

After all, Andrew was once a stranger.

But then again, Kurt muses, perhaps he always was.

"Spaghetti," Barney says with a bright smile. "I - oh, you don't like spaghetti?"

Kurt somewhat hates how Barney's face falls.

"Oh, no, I love it," Kurt says and maybe it's not a lie. Maybe he would love Barney's spaghetti. Kurt's only used to his own and if he was going to be honest, that's what made him tired of the dish.

Barney's face brightens and Kurt smiles, feeling like his world just lit up so much more.

He quickly shakes his head, trying to get rid of the thought. He had sworn to himself once to never let another Andrew into his life.

One Andrew was one too many.

"You OK?" Barney asks, a concerned frown lining his forehead.

Kurt blinks. "Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You sorta kinda drifted off to outer space into another galaxy," Barney informed him, returning his gaze to the food.

"Oh," Kurt says. "I guess I've got a lot on my mind."

"Hmm?" Barney says in that tone that lets Kurt know that Barney's there if he needs to vent, but he won't push him to tell. That tone that Tina would use back in their High School days if Kurt would call her after having been slushied. Sometimes Kurt's mother used that voice to Burt, he remembers, and it sort of hurts in that numb way.

That numb way that tells you it was a long time ago, the wound is merely a scar, but you just can't forget how it first felt like.

"Never mind," Kurt says politely. It isn't like they know each other well enough to talk about private matters. "So when will dinner be ready?"

"Five minutes," Barney apprises and goes back to cooking, so Kurt turns his attention back to his daughter.

"Has Fai been a good girl today, hmm?" Kurt ask, rocking her in his arms. She giggles happily, and Kurt wonders if he once had been the same.

He kisses her cheek and goes to his bedroom with her. He doesn't know why he leaves Barney alone in the kitchen, but it doesn't feel right to cuddle with his daughter in front of a stranger.

"You don't even know half of it, Fai-Fai," Kurt sighs as he lays her down on the bed and starts tickling her stomach restlessly. "Imagine the day I'll have to tell you how you were conceived." He winces at the thought. What impact would that leave her during her teenage years?

He doesn't want to know.

"You're something else, though," Kurt says and kisses her bellybottom and closes his eyes. He imagines that this is somewhere else, some place where Andrew never happened and Quinn never got into that taxi and his mother's liver never stopped working.

"You're innocent to the whole mess, aren't you?" he whispers looks down into her eyes. She's staring intently at him, as though she's trying to understand what he's saying.

Maybe she does.

A light knocking on the door tells him that the father-and-daughter moment was over.

"Dinner's ready."

Kurt sighs. He seems to be doing that a lot these days. But nevertheless, he heaves himself up from the lying position, and pulls Fai up in his arms and walks out to the kitchen.

He notices that Barney had set the table too and wonders if this makes him an arse for not helping. In the end, he finds he doesn't want to know what Barney think about him much.

He inhales through his nostrils and smiles. "It smells delicious."

"I'm glad. I hope you don't mind I made for both of us?"

"Why would I?" Kurt asks, placing Fai in the high chair before taking a seat himself. "It's not like I've got anyone else to share the dinner with."

"Which reminds me," Barney frowns, "where's all the kid food?"

"I - um," Kurt scratches his neck. "I usually left her with this woman next door, so she's got all the food there. I guess I could get them, but why not just buy some new. They've probably expired anyway. God, you must think I'm the worst dad ever."

"I've seen worse," Barney mutters.

"So what've you been doing all day?" Kurt asks, trying to start a conversation that wouldn't end up with either of them embarrassed.

"I played around a little with Fai," Barney smiles. "She's a nice kid for such young age. And when she fell asleep I did too."

"Sleeping while working, are we?" Kurt teases.

Flustered, Barney bits his lower lip. "I didn't mean to-"

"Relax," Kurt smiles. "It's not like you've got much else to do."

They fall silent, but it's not uncomfortable. Kurt wills himself to relax a bit more because this was Barney and not Andrew.

"So, Barney, what are you doing aside from working?"

Blaine looks slightly pained at that.

"My name's Blaine," he mutters, sounding somewhat bitter.

"Oh," Kurt says, licks his lips nervously. "I'm sorry, I was in such a hurry this morning I seem to have gotten your name wrong-"

"It's fine," Blaine says but Kurt knows it isn't.

He doesn't ask though.

"So what do you do?" He tries to steer the subject to something more comfortable.

"I sing at Starbucks," Blaine says, sounding slightly more at ease.

"You sing?" Kurt repeats, surprise written across his face.

"I- um- yeah? Is that a problem?"

"Not at all," Kurt says with a smile. "I do too. At least I used to." _Before Andrew_.

"Don't you work for Vogue?"

"What?" Kurt asks, feeling taken off guard.

"I recognised your name, but it took your magazines to connect the dots," Blaine told him sheepishly. "I'm sorry if it creeped you out, I didn't mean to-"

"Oh, no, it's fine, it's fine," Kurt says, faking a smile because he can't deny the feeling of unease.

They fall silent again and Kurt's pushing around the spaghetti restlessly. It was delicious but somehow it doesn't matter what it tastes like anymore. He exhales slowly.

"Didn't it taste good?" Blaine asked as he frowned at Kurt's plate.

"Oh, no, it was absolutely delicious," Kurt assures the other man. "It's just- I don't know. I don't know how I'll do with work and Fai. I thought I'd be able to take care of her, and while I sort of do, it isn't the way I'd prefer."

"Well, I'm sure it'll work out fine in the end," Blaine tries to cheer Kurt up. "It always does."

"Do you want to continue taking care of Fai?" Kurt asks tentatively. "I mean, only if you want to. I'll pay you accordingly."

"Oh I-," Blaine seems humbled by the request. "I'd love to."

After that, their conversations seemed to flow much more at ease and it them two hours until they finally say their byes by Kurt's front door.

"I'll see you tomorrow, then, I guess," Kurt smiles. "If I'm not home by the time you come over, I'll leave the key under the doormat."

"I'll be right on time," Blaine assures Kurt. "Wouldn't want to leave Fai hanging, would we?"

Kurt shakes his head. "You absolutely saved my day today," he tells Blaine with a smile. "If you're willing to continue work, I'd be forever grateful. I can't seem to escape work , and that's like the worst excuse ever to leave a child for."

"No worries," Blaine reassures the fashionable brunette. "As I said, I've seen worse."

Kurt flops himself onto his bed; he is glad that Blaine put Fai to sleep before he left because he isn't sure he could handle more stress. The man lets out a soft sigh, blowing some hair out of his face.

The day sure had been eventful, he must admit. He thinks back about the moodswing he had in the car, before sighing once more. He had always been ignoring every sign of him being depressed, or stressed and whenever someone did comment on it, he chose to ignore it. But at times like these, he misses the reassuration.

_'I'm not insane, I'm not insane, I'm not insane. ' _he thinks to himself, closing his eyes fiercly as to inforce the thought.

_I only left my one year old daughter with a stranger for a whole day, _he softly groans at himself, trying to mentally wave the thought away.

He thinks back about the stranger, and he sighs in happiness as he realises Blaine will be coming back tomorrow to take care of Fai again. Well it surely did lift some stress, but gave him more stress at the same time. He rolls over to the other side of the bed, opening his eyes again.

Kurt looks over to the blonde mop of hair a bit further in the room. The hair, it reminds him so much of Andrew.

_Andrew..._

He closes his eyelids softly, so tired of all the pressure that everyone's been putting on lately. Kurt is exhausted, even though he won't admit it to himself. Deep inside he knows that it won't last like this any longer, deep down he knows he needs help – but who is he to convince himself of something this pathetic?

Kurt quietly stands up again and walks to the bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror. What if I would just escape from all of it – it's not that difficult, he muses.

_Snap out of it, Hummel, you have a daughter. - Now is not the time to have a mental breakdown._

Minutes pass as he keeps staring at himself, and suddenly the tears start to roll down his face.  
"I'm not insane, I'm not insane.." he whispers once more, slowly sliding down against the mirror, burying his head into his hands. Desparation takes over his mind, and his hair clutches to his now wet cheeks, as he slowly falls onto the floor, curling into a ball.

He does not know how much time he spend in the bathroom, or how long he's cries – but all he knows is, when he walks back to his room, he wishes he could turn the number around.

_Hey mom, it's me._

_I started working today.. I got a job as a babysitter._  
_The kid I'm babysitting is a 12 month old girl named Fai, and she's the daughter of one of the writers of Vogue, mom – Vogue!_  
_His name is Kurt Hummel, and mom – let me tell you, he looks absolutely gorgeous._  
_I'm really tired now, so I'm going to go to bed._

_I hope that this will be the beginning of a new chapter of my life._

_Goodnight mom,_

_I miss you_

_Forever yours, Blaine Anderson._


	2. Wall of Secrets

_Dear mom,_

_I'm sorry for my short letter yesterday, I was just really tired._

_So, I'm going to that apartment again to babysit Fai._

_When I woke up at 4 this morning, I googled Kurt Hummel and guess what! Over 30,000 results!_

_There were many pictures of his designs, and I have to admit, mom, they are amazing. I couldn't stop staring at them. I wish you could see them; they're absolutely gorgeous._

_About Kurt, mom, I think he needs some help. Mentally and with parenting in general. I mean, one moment he's all happy and the other he's ready to fire his guns at me. It makes me wonder how a busy man like him has a kid. I don't mean to be rude or anything. I just think he needs to seek some help. He seems really troubled. Too troubled, in my opinion, to be so young._

_I need to get going now mom,_

_You know I miss you,_

_Blaine._

* * *

Kurt wakes up by the sound of his alarm shaking him rudely awake. He rolls around the bed some more, trying to gain consciousness,

"Crap," he mutters when he sees the clock changing to 6:15 "I'm going to be late". Giving Fai a quick glance, seeing she's still asleep, he runs into the bathroom.

Alright, he knows it is his fault he looks like a zombie who hasn't slept in years, but. He hurries to the kitchen and prepares some breakfast, looking at the clock every minute.

When the clock finally strikes 6:30, the bell rings and Kurt hurries to the door and opens it;  
"Hey," Kurt mutters and turns around again to collect his stuff, leaving Blaine on his own to enter the house on his own and to close the door.

"So, I really need to go and Fai is still asleep – so if you need anything you can call me, I'm assuming you still have my number – right? If you don't, just call the magazine and tell them your name."

He grabs his jacket and walks into the hallway to go check on Fai once more.

"Also there is no food anymore so you really need to go to the store with her, she also needs to take a nap – and please don't put the kitchen on fire.."

His voice sounds louder than before, also having a pause probably indicating a kiss to Fai's face.

"Kurt."

Blaine says softly, when Kurt re-enters the room. He folds his arms in front of him, staring at Kurt buzzing around the room.

"- And when you go out please put her jacket on I can't afford her having a cold at this time of the year.

"Kurt," he repeats again, lifting an eyebrow at the man.

"Also, I'll give you the contract this evening, is that okay with you I mean if it's not it's okay too bu-"

"_Kurt_!" Blaine now exclaims, stopping Kurt in his actions.

"_What_?"

The older man turns around angrily flailing his arms in the air, delivering a first class bitch glare at Blaine. He is not in the mood to be bossed around, can't the guy see that he needs to hurry? He mentally slaps Blaine around the face a couple of times, rolling his eyes physically.

"Stop."

Blaine smiles a soft smile at Kurt, whose face softened a bit at the tune, running a hand through his hair. Sure, he is stressed, but the guy is relaxed enough and somehow he manages to transfer the calm over to Kurt. Just with the sound of his voice.

"Tell me what you want for dinner instead," Blaine continues, unfolding his arms, handing one of the bags on the table to Kurt, since he noticed him putting stuff in there earlier.

"Be creative! I'm sorry Blaine – thank you, but I really need to go okay?"

Kurt accepts the bag, and raises his hand as a small wave. And with that, he rushes out of the door – once again, leaving Blaine starstruck.

* * *

Kurt quickly closes his car, driving onto the road. He doesn't make it more than two streets before he's stuck in the morning traffic, causing him to curse some forbidden words under his breath, but allows him to take a minute to properly look at himself in the mirror.

'W_ow, well, I do look crap,' he thinks, _awkwardly prodding the skin under his eyes.

He sighs deeply. When he was in high school, he had looked forward to this life, but now, here he was, and look at it – he almost childishly decides that perhaps high school was better, despite the bullying. His plans hadn't involved having a baby daughter at age 23 though.

'_My plans didn't involve Andrew either_,' he thinks on a self-pitying tone.

No matter how much he sometimes hates the situation with his daughter and his job, he wouldn't give Fai up for anything. And he'd be damned if Andrew came back to try to take her away from him.

He thinks about how Blaine was with Fai, feeling a small smile tugging his lips. Somewhere in between the sob sessions the previous, he also had to realise that Blaine had helped him a lot yesterday, and Fai even seemed to like him.

'_Yesterday night.._' He slowly exhales.

The scene plays again through his memory, and he scrunches his nose up to avoid the tears coming out again. Sometimes he wonders what he's crying for, but he doesn't get the chance to ponder about it for much longer as the traffic turns to life again and forces himself to concentrate on that.

'_They'll be okay_,' Kurt reassures himself before turning right in the next crossover.

* * *

Blaine sighs and leans back into the soft cushions on the couch, blowing some hair out of his face. He's tired, he realises.

Once again he had woken up at 4AM, and not been able to return to sleep. He yawns and grabs a pillow and rests his face on it.

"I am so EXHAUSTED!" he yells into the room, totally forgetting about Fai still sleeping soundly. The sudden cries from the other room, however, brings him to the realisation he had just woken the toddler up.

"Crap," he mutters and runs his hand through his curls, hurrying to the room where Fai is in.

"Alright honey, come here." He lifts her up from the bed, encircling her in his arms, rocking her slowly to get her stop crying. After a while on his shoulder, she falls into a peaceful sleep again and he gently puts her back into the bed.

As he struts back to the couch, he passes a mirror and stares into his own very black eyes.  
They should be green or brown, he decides.

Why are they black now?

They remind him of his dream last night, everything was dark - and he was standing there, and suddenly a ball of white light knocked him out.

When he woke up in the black scenery, he saw a man stabbing a woman in the front. Their faces had seem similar, but he just couldn't put his finger on it.

He shakes his head to get rid of the thoughts. He googled black eyes before, and it said it was due to the lack of sleep.

_Well if I can't sleep that's fun._

He rolls his eyes at no one in particular and falls into the couch, burying his head into the pillow. He groans softly as he realises he won't be getting any sleep today.

_'Yesterday went okay though..' _he thinks sadly, wiping the drool from his chin awkwardly, looking around before realising there is no one in the house to actually see it anyway.

Blaine slowly realises that when Fai isn't awake, and he isn't able to sleep – there _really_ isn't anything else to do, like Kurt said yesterday.

He yawns once more before getting up, starting his own tour around the house – because Kurt had yet to show him around.

_Not that he actually would have the time to do that._

Blaine snorts at his own thought, before shaking his head.

_Those were some undapper thoughts, the man is a good father, he just doesn't have time, Blaine._

He enters a room that's painted in blue baby color, showing all kinds of prices on various tables.

"Ohio Regionals - 2011-2012 Winner," Blaine reads aloud, taking ten seconds to let it sink in.

"Crap; he was in New Directions? Man, it's a small world..."

Blaine frowns a bit at the prize, making a pouty face – because he realises that 2011 was the only year they hadn't competed against Vocal Adrenaline.

The Warblers had been 100 % sure of their win, because New Directions had been their competition and they had never heard of them. They had assumed they weren't that good.

But boy, were they wrong.

Blaine stares at the pictures of Kurt, probably with his Glee Club. Five minutes later, he realises he probably shouldn't be doing this, invading the man's privacy.

* * *

When the clock turns 11 AM, Fai starts crying. Blaine quickly stands up, and lifts her up from the bed.

"Hey, goodmorning, sweetheart; I was already waiting for the moment you were going to wake up," Blaine mutters softly whilst rocking her slowly, taking in the smell of poop.

"Well well, first interrupting my Disney marathon and now I have to clean you up? Sure, are you enjoying being a partypooper?"

Blaine laughs at his own lame joke and walks into the bathroom with the petite girl, who was still yawning and rubbing her eyes softly.

"Don't you think you can make it up by being cute!" He chuckles, and Fai lays her head down on Blaine's shoulder. He smiles before lifting her from his arm, to change her diaper.

"There you go little princess!"  
He lifts the toddler up again into his arms, cuddling her close once. They start walking out of the bathroom when Fai starts tugging one of his curls again.

"We talked about this Fai, no tugging the do," Blaine mutters, grabbing Fai's hand to untangle her little fingers from his hair.

"I'm talking as though we're married," Blaine tells her. "I mean, 'we talked about this'. Honestly, I sometimes outdo myself."

He places her into the high chair as she yawns, Blaine lifting his eyebrow in response.

"I guess you must find me boring then. Fine, do you want food?"

The word food made her look up at him again, staring with her blue eyes into Blaine's dark ones.

"Wow, your eyes look totally like your fa-"

Blaine stops in the middle of his sentence, realising what he was about to say and shaking the thought away. He is not going to talk to this baby girl about how he thought how beautiful her daddy's eyes are.

"Well, then, Fai, what do you want to eat?"

He mutters while opening the cupboards, hoping that Kurt had managed to get some babyfood. Then he realises what Kurt said.

"Oh, it seems like we need to go to the store, Fai," he says while feeding her some banana pieces, watching the girl nod as though she understands.

"Well, then", Blaine says after she'd eaten it all up, "let's go!"

* * *

Blaine and Fai leave the house, and because Kurt hadn't mentioned him owning a stroller, he carries her in his arms.

As they are walking down the pavement, people stop by to tell him how cute his daughter looks, and he always needs to remember himself to say thanks. How would people react if he replied that "she's not mine"? He has to agree that Fai was a beauty in her own, but it makes him feel a bit awful not to deny the people that she isn't his.

So here he is, entering a store with an 1 year old in his arms.

He puts her in front of the shopping trolley, and starts walking - receiving happy responses from the baby girl.

"Dada?" she asks, and Blaine shakes his head.

"Dada isn't here honey, he's at work, okay?" He softly kisses her cheek and she grabs one of his curls again.

"Fai - no! Fai, let go!"

He mutters to himself while trying to untangle her hand from his hair yet again - something that Blaine's started thinking she enjoys far too much for her own good.

"So, what should we buy?" he asks eventually when Fai had quieted in her seat.

He's walking aimlessly around the store, pushing the trolley before him, whistling a random tune and ends up getting lost in the hallways. Walking around in a new store while thinking about everything between heaven and earth is not, perhaps, what anyone would call a good move.

Blaine looks around, fervently trying to figure out where to go, before he throws his hands up in exasperation.

"Argh! Fai, why can't you talk?!" Blaine exclaims hopelessly, and the girl looks at him at the sound of her name. He gives her a small smile she ends up returning said favour.

"People are staring at us Fai, let's move on."

He pushes the trolly forward quietly, trying not to squirm under the looks people are giving him. He really doesn't need the attention right now. What he needs is the way out of the shelves of canned food.

Soon, he finds the way into the candy & cookies section, and they both stop to look at the strawberry candies.

"We shouldn't, Fai," he says. "Kurt wouldn't approve."

He pushes the trolley forward again, stopping in his track a few seconds later to pull the trolley back again and grabbing a bag of the candy.

"... We'll hide it, won't we?" He chuckles, emerging a laugh from the girl.

They walk into the vegetable section, and Blaine glances at the cauliflowers and broccoli. He isn't sure what to take honestly, Kurt seemed like a very picky man, and he doesn't know anything about his taste.

Groaning in frustration, he grabs both of them and pushes the trolley forward again.

They end up walking an hour in the store before they go home and Blaine makes some proper food for Fai.

He thinks about how Kurt and Blaine got along well enough the previous day when they talked. He likes to think that Kurt liked him, well, at least enough to have him around sometimes other than taking care of Fai.

It isn't that Blaine has any specific intention, but they are in the same age - Kurt a year older - and are both interested in mutual things. Like fashion and music. Maybe they could meet up and watch a musical some time.

Now, Blaine has got his friends. Wes and David specifically. But the excitement of meeting a new person who seemed to match his own personality is something he simply cannot disregard.

Even though Kurt appeared to have a lot to take care of.

"He's something else, isn't he, Fai?" Blaine asks as he feeds her. "I'm not sure where we stand apart from him being my employer. But I think I passed the test in which I could become more than just an acquaintance, right?"

He sighs. Maybe he should take care of himself first. Talking about a toddler's father like that is probably on the list of "signs that you are mental".

But there is something about Kurt that Blaine cannot put his finger on. He wouldn't call it gut feeling or Fate or anything else. He doesn't believe much in that. But the way he acts.

Like the way he subtly avoids touches.

Or the way his eyes are hard when he stares at Blaine, when they, moments before, were sort of warm.

Or the way he avoids talking about himself.

But then again, everyone's got their past, don't they?

Blaine sighs and stares out of the window. It needs cleaning.

* * *

Blaine walks into the kitchen with Fai again at 6 pm; the clock indicating he again had two more hours before Kurt would come home. He has been watching Disney movies with the toddler all day long - so the time had passed quickly.

He had tried to explain to her what some things were, but it had been a hopeless task. She's just a toddler; a little child. She doesn't understand more than "Dada" and "food".

He puts Fai into the high chair, and stares at the bags they had brought home.

"So, you can't tell me if your daddy likes broccoli, huh?"

The toddler only blinks her eyes at him, and he shakes his head while chuckling, grabbing broccoli from the bag.

"If he doesn't, I'm going to tell him that you told me."

He shots a playful glare at the toddler, who now was heavily engaged to a toy.

Blaine sighs in frustration, which he seems to be doing a lot around Kurt's house, but he just cannot figure out what to cook for the other man.

He starts preparing the broccoli, occasionally cracking a lame joke towards Fai - who never seemed too interested in what he was saying or doing. He also starts preparing the cheese sauce, and meat and potatoes.

He pats himself on the shoulder when he finishes at 7:45 PM, staring at the meal.

"Blaine, you should get an award for being such an amazing cook," he talks to himself, turning around to Fai.

"Don't you agree sweetheart? I'm amazing!"

"I hope you're not talking to me because we aren't on the endearing-terms stage yet."

Blaine whirls around in shock to find the source of the voice. His gaze softens when he sees Kurt walking into the kitchen with a smirk plastered on his face.

"Kurt," he mumbles under his breath. "I didn't hear you come in."

He watches the man running a hand through his hair, taking off his jacket and placing it over a chair.

"That's okay," he says between a few chuckles. "I tried to be silent, to avoid another episode of last time."

_I'm not quite sure if this was any less than yesterday, Hummel._

Blaine smirks at the thought, only to receive a frown from Kurt. He quickly waves it off, and pulls out a chair for Kurt.

"Why don't you make yourself at home?" Blaine says with a hint of irony, walking over to the other side of the table to sit down.

"I hope you like broccoli," he starts off, laying his head in one of his hands to look at Kurt who was examining the dish. "I tried asking her," Blaine points to Fai. "But she refused to help me."

Kurt laughs when he sees Blaine pouting after making his statement.

"Sure I do," he starts. "I was just watching the food - I'm amazed Blaine," Kurt looks up from the food again, to look at Blaine. "How did you even make all of this?"

"I, uh - I," Blaine looks around, and shrugs. "I don't know, I just did."

There is a comfortable silence hanging, both of them eating their meal - with some occasional glances at Fai, who was happily playing with her toy and making noises.

"So," Kurt eventually asks. "Was she good today?"

"Well," Blaine starts, putting down his fork, "if you think past the curl-grabbing, she was as nice as yesterday." Blaine chuckles midsentence.

Kurt frowns at him, silently asking him to continue.

"She keeps grabbing my curls, you see." Blaine tugs at his curls to demonstrate what he means which the toddler replied happily to, letting out a whoop.

Kurt smiles softly, slumping back into his seat.

"Thanks for doing this Blaine," Kurt brushes some hair out of his face. "I mean, you're not only taking care of Fai but you're also making dinner for me - I can't thank you enough."

"It's - um - it's nothing, really," Blaine says, humbled by the praise. "It's not like I've got anything better to do."

"You have to understand I truly appreciate this. I've been - I-" Kurt scratches the back of his neck, trying to figure out how to spell it out. "I haven't been the best dad for Fai, I guess. I try, I really do, but-"

"But sometimes it's too hard?" Blaine suggests softly.

"Yeah, something like that," Kurt agrees. "I push myself far too much nowadays. I've realised that. People tell me that all the time. It's just- I can't not to, you know? It's my escape."

Blaine remains silent, digesting this new, revealing part of Kurt.

He had been right; everyone has got their past. Everyone has got their secrets. Kurt probably thinks that Blaine is under the impression that he can't take care of himself and a baby. And maybe he can't, Blaine muses. But he's not a bad dad for Fai. He's trying. He left her with an old lady during the days, who probably cuddled her more than anyone else.

"I'm sorry," Kurt says, breaking Blaine from his own musings. "I really shouldn't be talking about this."

"It's nothing," Blaine says, waving his hand. "I'm a great listener."

And just like that, Kurt is closed off again. His eyes hardens and his posture changes to a more defensive stance rather than the relaxed he had before.

Blaine doesn't comment, because what is there to say?

* * *

Kurt likes Blaine, make no mistake. He's a nice guy who takes care of a baby far too many hours of the day. And Kurt makes sure to pay him big for it.

There are those rare moments that Kurt falls comfortable whilst conversing with another person; another person who happens to be a man. He blames Andrew solely for that.

Those moments are becoming less and less, so when Kurt opens up for Blaine a little, he kind of enjoys it. The feeling of letting something go from him. The feeling of a burden being taken off his shoulders.

But then there is a moment when that moment has to stop. For Kurt, it is when he realises he can't open up any more than he already has. It's like a dam; he'd let go of too much at once if he opens too much. Last time that had happened was-

Kurt decides not to think about that.

When people say that they are great listeners, it isn't like Kurt doubts them. It's just the phrase, the choice of words, that makes him freeze and remember that time when Andrew had said that too him.

That time before Andrew imprisoned him, making him suffocate in their relationship in ways he had never experienced before.

Bullying had been predictable. Excluding Karofsky's kiss, of course.

Andrew had not been so very predictable.

Kurt's lower lip trembles, and the tears are burning behind his eyes.

"Are you OK?" Blaine asks, the voice is soft again and it's almost like he reaches out to grab Kurt's hand.

Kurt is on autopilot; the reaction is instant.

"Don't!" he exclaims, pulling his hand close to his chest. He clenches his jaw as he watches Blaine's face morph from concern to surprise.

"I-"

"I'll be back," Kurt mumbles, his voice slightly hoarse and he just knows that he's going to break. "You may leave whenever you like to."

"Where-"

"Watch over Fai," Kurt croaks, "if you're staying. Don't - just let me be."

* * *

When Kurt closes the bathroom door he can literally feel the dam breaking.

Tears stream down his face, his jaw hanging slack as he tries to calm down his erratic breaths. The feeling of hopelessness encloses him, entangles him to its web and Kurt just cannot let it go.

He shuts his eyes close, childishly naïve enough to believe that it would go away.

It doesn't.

It never does.

He captures his lower lips with his teeth and bites down hard enough to draw blood. He's afraid of making sounds.

Andrew hated when he made sounds.

"Don't be so loud when you're crying," he used to say. "Or don't cry at all."

His knees are shaking and the room is spinning. With the back hard against the door, he trails down to sit on the cold floor.

He hears his daughter ask for her dada, and he hears how Blaine replies that her dada went away for a while but that he will be coming back.

And he's almost laughing at that because Blaine sounds so sure.

He doesn't know for how long he stays in there, trying to calm down but it only getting worse. The doctors had suggested he should talk to somebody. But Kurt doesn't want to talk.

Words don't come to him like that. Not when it's about feelings.

When he finally gets himself together, he stands up shakily and washes his face in the faucet. The cold water splashes his face, waking him up, and he pulls his wet hands against his hair and down his neck.

He knows Blaine's waiting outside with Fai.

He hadn't heard him leaving.

Kurt considers on staying in the bathroom forever, rather than facing Blaine.

"Man up, Hummel," he tells his reflexion. "You don't have to answer any queries."

Slowly, he makes his way back out to the kitchen. He finds his daughter, his beloved small child that keeps him going, standing on Blaine's lap while the man was holding her by her brachium.

She's laughing happily, making Kurt's chest fill with a juttering warmth. He loves that sound. When Blaine laughs too, Kurt can't deny he sort of likes that too.

It's a nice laugh. Some people just have it.

Kurt doesn't have it, he knows. His isn't real.

He clears his throat, immediately having four eyes looking at him.

"Kurt!" Blaine says, the worry in his eyes not gone, but it seems like he's trying to not mention Kurt's rude behaviour.

"Dada!" Fai claps her hands and points her arm towards Kurt.

"Fai-Fai," Kurt sighs, suddenly feeling happier than he has in a while.

This was his daughter.

He walks towards Blaine, arms outstretched and hugs his daughter, inhales the smell of her.

It could never get enough.

He looks over at Blaine and for a moment their eyes lock.

"Thank you," he mouths, genuinely appreciating Blaine's sacrifice of personal time. Blaine only shakes his head in return.

He puts his daughter to sleep, kissing her goodnight and watches her eyes droop.

"I'm not going to ask what happened," he hears Blaine say from the door. He can feel his shoulders tense, but he forces himself to continue to stare at Fai. "Because it's not really my business. I just want you to know that if you ever need a shoulder to rely on, I've got two."

Kurt doesn't answer first. He collects his thoughts and decides whether or not to approach the subject.

This is, after all, an almost-stranger. An almost-stranger that he lets close to his daughter.

He decides not to mention his episode again. Instead, when he turns, he clears his throat and puts on a smile.

"Blaine," he says and starts walking out of the room. "Let's talk about the pay now, shall we?"

They end up deciding that Blaine should move in, to avoid Fai ending up being alone in the morning.

Blaine doesn't tell Kurt, but inside he's thanking him to heaven. He wasn't sure how he was going to handle the rent of the hotel he's staying in for the coming month - and there Kurt is, fixing all his problems.

Kurt decides Blaine should move in tomorrow - offering to help by using his car but Blaine waves the offer away.

"It's okay," He says while chuckling. "I don't own a lot, I'll carry it."

Kurt frowns the though of Blaine carrying all his stuff away, and stands up.

"Shall I walk you out?" He starts walking to the door, not waiting for Blaine's reply - assuming he'll stand up.

Kurt leans against the doorframe when Blaine turns around after stepping outside.

"Are you," Blaine puts his hands in his pockets. "Y-you sure you're okay?"  
He stares into Kurt's blue, but tired eyes.

"I will be." Kurt replies, giving the other man a sad smile. Blaine lays his hand on Kurt's shoulder for some seconds, letting it slide off slowly - giving the man a smile.

"Hang in there," He mumbles under a breathe. "It'll all work out, it always does"

And with that, he walks off.

* * *

Kurt watches the man walking out of the street with the same smile on his face as earlier.

_'Why am I smiling?' _He thinks angrily at himself. He shouldn't be smiling!

He closes the door, mentally scolding himself for being happy.

Walking back into the kitchen, he stares at the finished dishes - and once more mentally thanks Blaine for being amazing.  
He slumps back into his couch, enjoying the silence.

_'This is the first time in weeks that I've had time to just sit down and enjoy myself.'_  
He muses, softly tilting his head to the side. _'this is the best decision I've ever made.'_

Kurt ends up falling asleep on the couch.

* * *

_Hey mom,_

_I had such an interesting day today!_

_I went to the store today with Fai! I knew they were big, but I never knew they were this big!_

_We ended up getting lost._

_Then I made dinner for Kurt, and he actually seemed to enjoy it this time!_  
_He's such a mystery mom,_

_one second I feel like I'm getting through, and then he closes himself off._  
_I know something is wrong with him, _  
_I just know._

_We also talked about payment today mom! I'm moving, to an actual house!_  
_This is like the best job ever!_

_I'm going to bed mom,_  
_I hope I can sleep without nightmares this time._

_I love you,_

_Blaine._


	3. Mirror of memories

_Hey mom,_

_I'm moving to Kurt's house today._  
_Well, I actually really need to hurry so,_  
_talk to you tonight!_

_Love, _  
_Blaine._

* * *

_Blaine blinked twice. Where was he? The surroundings seemed unfamiliar and yet—_

_He looked around to see all kinds of flowers decorating the grass and birds were flying in the skies. There were lovely blonde-haired ladies watering the plants, some eating cake and drinking tea._

_He smiled and sat himself down on the grass, enjoying the shines of the sun lingering on his skin. Blaine watched the ladies dancing around to a joyful tune._

_As he looked around some more, he saw a young lovely lady dancing with herself, clearly apart from the rest of the crowd._

_Blaine frowned and got up, walking slowly to the girl. As he stepped closer, he could feel the grass becoming softer and softer by each step and watched the birds disappearing from the skies._

_Behind him, the scenery faded in colours, flowers slowly turning to gloomy grey shades. What was happening?_

_He stopped near the girl, and her hair had already turned fully black. She had finally noticed his presence and turned around to look at him. She didn't say anything, but her mouth moved as if she was saying something._

_Blaine blinked a few times. Was he imagining things? When he did not reply, she titled her head to the side._

"—_hi?" he said softly and felt the curiosity tugging. That changed when the girl's eyes suddenly turned bloodshot, a smirk spreading her lips._

_His blood turned cold._

_He saw her laughing, but he heard nothing, although there was an annoying ringing in his ears. Frowning, he put his hands on his ears trying to block the sound but it was counterproductive. Her laughter finally reached his ears and she just kept laughing as everything around him faded into darkness. He crumbled to the ground as he felt daggers shooting through his legs._

_The girl had now multiplied and she was everywhere, laughing down at him. Some clones of her were pointing at him, still laughing._

_The room was spinning._

_Everything turned pitch black._

_When Blaine opened his eyes again, he couldn't see anything. As he tried to walk, he realised he couldn't get forward – something was tugging on his wrists._

_He took about 2 minutes to realise he was handcuffed – but there was no wall. There was only emptiness._

_He started crying, screaming desperately into the dark. But there was only silence there; nothing but him, cuffed to the vacancy._

_Trying to walk forward again, he tried to get the handcuffs off, but to no avail. He cried out in despair. Why couldn't he move?_

_Suddenly two daggers shot through his chest. He felt the pain, but there was no visible damage. A figure without a face appeared and sounds of cruel laughing filled the darkness._

"_Disease," the faceless figure whispered in his ear and disappeared, just to show up again behind him a moment later. "Sinner," the voice whispered, the word echoing in the room excruciatingly loudly, crawling into his head._

_With fruitless attempts, he tried to cover his ears again, but his hands were still cuffed but he didn't want to hear anything. He longed the silence. The incessant whisperings, the hallow echoes; he wanted them gone. Another dagger shot through his chest, but yet again, it only left him with the pain._

"_You are worthless," the figure hollered into his ears, the echoes flying all around him. "You don't deserve to live, so why don't you do us a favour and die?"_

_Blaine felt his head hurt and his ears rung. Whimpering, he shook his head. Be gone, he wished the voice. Be gone._

"_You're a filthy, disgraceful piece of shit," the figure had stepped even closer to whisper it softly into his ears, grabbing a knife from behind his back._

"_You must die," the figure continued, its laughter filling the room again. "A painful death," it adds between its chuckles._

_A sudden movement, the figure swung his arm behind him before the knife slowly sunk into his skin and deeper into his flesh. A cry of denial let out of Blaine's lips as the pain made it acknowledged by being the only thing Blaine could feel. His legs shook before going numb, starting from the thighs travelling south and he fell to the ground with a thud._

_He was lying on the ground for a fair few minutes with his eyes shut. Whimpering sounds left his mouth and he desperately wished for somewhere else to be. Anywhere but there; he wanted nothing else to escape the terror which had filled his chest._

_The slow breathing managed to calm him down somewhat. Inhaling deeply, he opened his eyes slowly, and the ground beneath him suddenly turned into a puddle of water._

Blaine wakes up with a startle, covered in cold sweat. The feeling of panic rushes through his body as he looks around in the room, trying to figure out where he is. The first thing he does is to grab his chest. Looking down, he realises it was still intact. He could also move his hands.

He draws an erratic breath, pulling a hand through the curls that were sticking against his sweaty forehead.

"What," he croaks and exhales slowly, "the hell was that?"

He sits up straight, pushing the curls back again and stares at the wall before him.

Thoughts run through his head, replaying the nightmare. Tears start tracking his cheeks, falling onto Blaine's hands and he stares at them before closing his eyes.

Sobs escapes his lips and he is desperately trying to stop them. _It was just a dream, just a dream, just a dream_, he thinks to himself.

And it was – Blaine knows that. He's old enough to tell dream from reality. And yet it had seemed so awfully real, so menacingly alike an old memory.

"I'm okay," he mutters under his breath, wiping his hands on the blanket to get rid of the sweat. "I'm okay, I'm okay. I'm okay."

He doesn't know whether he's trying to convince himself or if he truly believes it, but nevertheless, he repeats the words to himself for a while, trying to calm his alert body. When he feels calmed enough, he buries his head in his hands.

These dreams have been haunting him for the past few months. He's been thinking about going to a doctor, but the lack of money has been holding him back. It wasn't like he's throwing up blood anyways, he usually tells himself.

He knows well enough what these dreams mean; they aren't that difficult to decipher.

For ages, he's been desperately trying to forget the memories; to lock them inside a part of his brain where he wouldn't have to deal with them. But alas, that was not the solution Blaine needed, and he knows this too. They say the past is the past. But why does the past keep bothering him? Why does it pop up over and over again? The memories bite his soul into pieces and it's an excruciating experience to have to relive it almost every night. He wants to leave the place; he wants to be left alone and start all over. But who wouldn't want that?

Blaine feels his throat constricting as he tries to stop another session of crying.

What should he do to forget everything? He wonders if there is a way or if he's left with the heavy weight of troubles from the past. He's broken; like a porcelain doll that someone accidentally dropped and the skin broke into thousand little pieces.

Except that maybe it hadn't been an accident. Maybe it had been the purpose to break him so entirely he cannot even have a good night's sleep.

The worry is constant. It's there in his every movement; every breath and every thought.

Will he ever be fixed? Will someone ever find a cure?

He glances quickly over to his clock, seeing he only has an hour left before he's supposed to be at Kurt's. He jumps out of his bed and runs into the bathroom.

* * *

Blaine halts in front of Kurt's door, putting his bag on the ground. He doesn't ring the bell yet, no – instead he sits himself down on the pavement.

_'This is real, Blaine,' h_e thinks by himself. _'No way out now, time to start living'_

As he gets up to ring the bell, the door opens to reveal a Kurt still in pyjamas.

"Blaine! I'm so sorry, I forgot you were coming so early!" He opens the door further, allowing Blaine to step in the house.

"Where is your stuff?" Kurt asks when they are inside the house. Blaine points at the bag he placed down on the table, shrugging lightly.

Kurt stares at Blaine for a moment, taking the bag in his arms and walks towards one of the rooms. He gestures with his head to Blaine, indicating him to follow.

He opens the door, to reveal a rather empty but big room with creme colored walls and duo bed.

"This will be your room," Kurt tells him in a soft voice. "Is that okay?"

Blaine stares in amazement. Alright, he had assumed that Kurt's spare rooms would be as big as the room he uses, but he did not expect that the room would be this big.

"O-okay?" Blaine stutters, looking over to Kurt who was now looking insecure. "This is, insane—Kurt! Thank you so much!"

Blaine flops onto the bed, and rolls over like a puppy.

"What are you, five?" Kurt jokes, his eyes glinting. Blaine sits up straight again in response, and looks over to Kurt.

"Of course not, five and a half - and you?" Blaine sniffs as though it was obvious.

"I'm seven!" Kurt counters, playing along.

Blaine starts laughing and Kurt quickly joins in.

"Alright, I'll let you settle in yourself— is that okay? Oh, and you know where the bathroom is, please don't pee in the shower," Kurt says, making Blaine raise his eyebrow. "Also, when you come to the kitchen, I'll explain you how the coffee machine works - because it might be a bit complicated to understand at first. You can't lay on the couch with shoes and please, if you make mess, clean it up."

Kurt straightens his back, brushes off non-existent dust from his pajamas and walks towards the door, but Blaine makes a move to grab Kurt's wrist.

He promptly ignores the slight flinch.

"Can we go to the park later?" he asks softly. "I think we both need some stress relief..."

Blaine smiles warmly at Kurt, who simply nods. Blaine slowly lets go of Kurt's wrist, and the older man walks out of the room.

Blaine sighs quietly, as he lays himself down on the bed.

* * *

"—Excuse me?" Blaine chuckles, clasping his hand over his mouth dramatically. "I certainly do _not_ recall ever doing that, Hummel!" He lifts his eyebrows to express his dripping sarcasm.

"I cannot believe I'm still talking to you," Kurt apprises, returning the sarcasm with a smirk. "Oh, how I wish there was a pond here right now so I could push you over into it, _Anderson_."

Blaine laughs at that, causing Fai to mirror it, as though she understood the amusement. The toddler was, however, too engrossed with her toy, and she wasn't really paying any attention to whatever the two adults were doing. Like right now, enjoying their lives together in the park; they both feel alive.

"I think," Kurt says low, looking up to the sky," we should start thinking about getting home; it's going to rain soon."

Blaine merely nods and they make their way towards the exit of the park. Blaine almost walks into Kurt as the man suddenly stops in his tracks.

"Kurt, what—," Blaine halts and takes in Kurt's expression with a worried frown.

"That—," Kurt starts but closes his mouth instead of continuing. He stares before him, almost forgetting Blaine and Fai's presence, dread apparent in his now tense stance and his eyes. Horror is clearly written over his face as his wide eyes are set on the back of the man standing too close for Kurt's liking, but quite far away in Blaine's opinion.

Kurt suddenly feels like someone dropped a bucket of cold water over him.

'_No, it can't be_', Kurt thinks quickly, shaking his head. '_It can't be him, it shouldn't be him_', he tries to convince himself as he clenches his fits harder, his nails digging deep into his palms.

'_If it's him, I'm in danger_', Kurt fervently thinks, ignoring Blaine's worried hand on his arm. '_And not only me; Fai would too be endangered_'_._ He looks for an escape and he notices for the first time how _fast_ his hard is beating. He can almost hear the sound pounding in his ears. His lower lip trembles and he desperately wants to hold onto something—'_Blaine_!' he realises and grabs the curly haired man's arm.

"—Kurt?" Blaine asks, eyeing the other man carefully. He follows Kurt's gaze and the back of a man meets his eyes. He is confused and isn't sure how to proceed from here. If Kurt's having a panic attack—but he assumes he isn't.

"Kurt," he tries again, this time in a stronger voice and a soft shake. However, Kurt remains unresponsive. Blaine stares hopelessly at the man, the man who's seemingly harmless to a fly, but seems to have made Kurt freaking out. He wishes desperately for a clue what to do.

Kurt's grip tightens around Blaine's arm, causing Blaine to wince slightly.

"I need—," Kurt croaks, "I need to get out of here," he mutters under his breath, letting go of Blaine's arm as he turns around abruptly. "Now," he stresses. "I can't do this."

The man, who usually carried himself straight but now, carries himself as though the world was falling over his shoulders, gasps for air. And again, and it's worrying Blaine as the action is repeated in series.

Blaine quickly looks over his options as he stares at Kurt.

"Dada," Fai asks quietly from the stroller.

"Not now, Fai," Blaine tells her gently. He feels a bit lost at sea, but moves forward and gently clasps his hand around Kurt's wrist.

"Kurt," Blaine says again, and he thinks that he's wearing the name out, but it doesn't matter. He tugs Kurt's wrist gently, but Kurt's trying urgently to escape. "Kurt, you have to turn around."

Blaine isn't sure if what he's doing is what Kurt needs. Maybe he's making the situation far lot worse than could be, but Kurt's grip softens in Blaine's hands and as he's turning around slowly, still shaking like a leaf, Blaine likes to think he was right. Kurt is still clutching onto Blaine, but Blaine finds that he doesn't mind much. He's more concerned as to where Kurt's reaction came from.

When Kurt finally has turned around, he blinks a few times before closing his eyes shut.

"Please, Kurt," Blaine murmurs softly, squeezing the man's hand. "Please, open your eyes. You can do it, OK? I'm here, see?" Blaine squeezes the hand a bit harder.

Blaine watches Kurt's lower lip tremble, maybe with the entire lower jaw and he strokes the man's hand softly. As Kurt slowly opens his eyes, Blaine catches the apparent fear burning in his eyes. He squeezes the soft hand again in reassurance, showing that he's still there. Kurt tenses even more as the man he seems so scared of turns around. Kurt inhales sharply and he grips Blaine tightly again.

The stranger frowns, carefully surveying the situation that has progressed behind his back.

Kurt lets go of the breath he'd been holding right after the man had turned back around. He quickly lets go of Blaine's hand, putting both his hand in his pockets.

"I—er—," Kurt starts, his voice still a bit shaken. He avoids looking at Blaine's face. "I thought it was someone else," he whispers.

Blaine just nods, pushing the stroller forwards. He's relieved it worked out without any bigger commotion.

"Dada?" Fai asks again, looking up at her father.

"Not now, Fai-Fai," Kurt says, brushing his hand over her forehead. "Not now."

The silence is heavy around them as they walk towards Kurt's house, and Blaine can't stop shifting uncomfortably as he looks over at Kurt every other minute to reassure himself that he's OK.

As they arrive to the front door, and Blaine opens it, Kurt rushes in, shoes still on and locks himself up in his room without giving Fai or Blaine a second glance.

And Blaine understands, he guesses, as he helps Fai out of her stroller.

The past is scary.

* * *

Kurt throws his entire body onto his bed and he thinks that, had he by some universal mistake missed the bed, he couldn't have cared less. His body feels like hell anyway.

After having experienced the feeling of his lungs being on fire, Kurt can now truthfully state that he wants to die. And he'd be speaking the truth, if he was to utter the words.

He doesn't want to leave Fai, not by any means, but—

He can't do this anymore.

The fear of seeing Andrew again is no longer haunting him in his dream, but a constant, clawing presence, eating him from the inside.

Loneliness was a cruel thing, and Kurt cannot help but feel hopeless. He has a child, he has a job, he gets pay far above his standard and he still has his father to talk to and some old friends but—

He doesn't have many people to talk to and he doesn't—most importantly—doesn't have Andrew. And he's loath enough to admit he's not sure how to feel about that.

Any time Andrew may come back and that day—

Kurt shudders against the mattress.

The tears trail down his cheeks and he almost screams into the pillows to stop crying. He's been doing it far more often lately than he'd like to.

Instead he separated his lips, feeling the fabric touch them, and he shuts his eyes before whispering: "You have to stay strong for Fai."

And he has to, because she's his daughter. He doesn't want her to grow up without her mother _and_ her father. That'd be unfair. Kurt had a father at least but—

'_You're not her real father, though, are you?_'

Kurt locks away that thought.

"Andrew can't get to you," he whispers and he turns in the bed to lie on his back instead. "Andrew can't touch you."

He knows it's a lie.

He knows it's a possibility that Andrew would come back.

He knows this but he doesn't think about it much.

He likes to give himself something to hold on to; some sort of hope.

His eyes are set on the ceiling, feeling the tears burn in his eyes.

"Stop crying, Hummel," he mutters to himself as he wipes his cheeks. "You're not a little girl."

'_Sure sound like one_,' the nasty voice comments.

Kurt locks away that thought too.

He sighs and rolls out of bed and stumbles into the toilet.

He tells himself it's because it's cooler in there, but he knows that isn't the real reason.

The mirror shows him how _damaged_ he looked like; like a piece of junk a cat found in the trash cabin. His face is paler than he usual, with the exception from the reddened cheeks and eyes, and his lips have a more contrast to his skin now than before.

He snarls against his reflexion, tempted to slam his fist into it, but knows how cliché that sounds.

Instead he turns on the water.

He watches it run.

Or rather, he stares at it.

And he sniffles, because he's been crying, and his body doesn't want to let go of that fact.

He feels ugly, too. Not the kind of _swollen_-ugly or _acne_-ugly. He feels _ugly_. Like the definition in that word list: "_very unattractive or unpleasant to look at; offensive to the sense of beauty; displeasing in appearance_" — he can literally feel the words burning on his skin.

Andrew never hesitated to tell him when he was ugly.

It wasn't often that Kurt was being told he was beautiful.

"You're quite beautiful, lying like this," Andrew could say sometimes, if he was in good mood, when he had undressed Kurt and pushed him onto bed.

Otherwise it'd be more like, "that shirt fits you nicely, Kurt, it totally covers that extra fat you put on yesterday whilst eating" or "hn, you should make a habit to wear those pants more often, don't you think?" and Kurt didn't feel very beautiful then.

He felt like an object.

Maybe he was.

Kurt sighs and puts his right hand under the ice-cold water. He feels his fingers freeze under it and he lets it stay for a few more moments before turning off the water and put his hand to his face.

"You're beautiful," he says to his reflexion.

Maybe it's his imagination that it smirks back.

"You need to get your shit together, Hummel, or you'll end up as the pile of worthless shit Andrew told you about."

Kurt isn't sure whom he's talking to, but he likes to think that perhaps it isn't himself, even though he's including his name. He likes to think that maybe he's Santana. She always knew how to be blunt, acting like she didn't care but it being quite the opposite.

He thinks that he should probably try to catch up on her, but soon forgets all about it when the tears start leaking again.

"For God's sake," Kurt sniffles and wipes them away. The feeling of utter despair is still wedged into his skin.

"Get yourself together now," he almost begs his reflexion, and maybe the universe takes pity on him, because he soon stops crying. Sighing, he washes his face and dries it with a towel. He inhales the smell of wet fabric before he hung it back on its crook and walked out.

"_Everyone else in the room can see it,_

_Everyone else but you,_" sings a voice Kurt realises is Blaine's. He enters the kitchen to find Blaine in an apron, singing to Fai as he spins both of them in silly dance moves.

"_Baby, you light up my world like nobody else,_

_The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed_!"

"Having fun?" Kurt asks, leaning against the kitchen table.

Blaine freezes with Fai and slowly turns around.

"Oh," he says. "I didn't hear you come in."

"Dada!" Fai exclaims, happy to see her father again.

"Fai-Fai," Kurt replies, trying to imitate her excitement. "C'mere," he continues, opening his arms for her. Blaine gives the toddler to Kurt in a swift, gentle movement.

"Dada," the child gargles. "Doooo!"

"I needed a moment by myself," Kurt tells Blaine, and he knows it's a lame excuse—no matter how true it was.

He's been gone for far too long.

"Doda," she giggles, and Kurt brushes their noses together.

"Dada's here now, baby. Dada loves you, you understand that, right? Dada loves Fai-Fai."

"Dada dof fafa," Fai giggles and pulls Kurt's collar.

"No, Fai, no pulling," Kurt says sternly, loosening his child's grip. "Are you cooking dinner?" he asks Blaine.

"Um—yeah," he says sheepishly. "I thought that I could—"

"Thank you," Kurt interrupts, trying to smile but ends up grimacing.

They end up eating a stew; Blaine's family recipe, and Kurt finds it tasting very well. He almost serves himself a fill, when he stops and looks down at his plate.

'_If Andrew'd been here_—,' and Kurt has to mentally slap himself for thinking of that man again. For thinking as though he's still got control over Kurt because Lord knows he hasn't.

And yet, after all this time, he still cannot enjoy a good meal without hearing Andrew's malicious words inside his head.

"Serve yourself some more, why don't you?" Blaine smiles and pushes the scoop over to Kurt.

"No, thanks," Kurt declines, looking over at Fai. "I need to feed—"

"Already done," Blaine informs him.

"Oh," Kurt screams on his inside. "I'm full anyway," he tries. Maybe he'd snack some later.

"OK, then," Blaine says and gathers their plates.

Kurt stands up.

"No," he insists. "You cooked. I'll clean the dishes. It's—well, it _is_ my apartment," he reasons. "I think you should head over to bed and take a nap, yeah? I'm sure I'm not such a terrible father I cannot look after my daughter for a little while."

He knows it isn't exactly fair play. He knows Blaine understands that, should he insist on staying, then he would imply that yes, he thought Kurt was a terrible father. And Kurt knows Blaine's far too polite to do that.

"OK," Blaine repeats, putting down the plates again. "I'll just—"

"Go," Kurt helps, almost urgently. "I'll be fine."

* * *

Blaine rolls over to the other side of the bed yet again before he sighs and sits up. He knows he can't fall asleep, and apparently the entire universe knows it too, except Kurt. He doesn't even know why he even bothers trying.

He heaves his legs over the bed, letting his toes touch the floor as he muses.

He wonders what Kurt is doing. The boy is clearly pushing his own limits, and maybe he doesn't know it, but he's cracking. Blaine can see the scars from past, even though he doesn't know the history.

The heels press against the floor and he pushes himself to stand. He tiptoes out of the room and begins his search for Kurt, which doesn't last long. He can hear the TV is on, and he finds the other man half lying on the couch, staring blankly at the screen. Blaine leans against the doorframe for a second.

'_Kurt is such a mystery_,' he muses with a concerned frown. '_One moment he's all happy-go-lucky, before his mood changes and not even Fai can make him smile. Should I talk to him or let him be? He seems like he could use someone to talk to, but on the other hand it might be a bit improper to pry._'

He lets out a barely audible sigh before he shifts his weight from the doorframe and pushes away the thoughts. He convinces himself his job is to watch over Fai, not Kurt as he walks into the kitchen silently.

'_But maybe all Kurt needs is a soul to talk to_,' nags a voice in Blaine's head as he prepares some coffee. It had taken a lot of explanations from Kurt for Blaine to understand how the coffee machine worked, but as he had gotten a grip around it, Blaine could now serve himself a cup every now and then, without having to disturb his employer.

He waits for the coffee to prepare as he takes out two mugs from the shelves above the sink. Lazily, he lets his index finger tap the mug to a rhythm and he stares out of the window.

When the coffee is ready, he pours the hot liquid to both mugs and brings one of them to his lips and leans against the counter. He smells in the coffee before sipping, enjoying the taste as the hot drink makes its way down his throat. His shoulders lax slightly and he closes his eyes, allowing himself a minute of solitude before he grabs the second mug and walks back to couch.

Kurt is still half-lying, but it seems like he's following the show now, instead of providing the screen a blank staring. Blaine leans his shoulder against the doorframe, tilting his head to the side as he watches the other man in silence.

"Hey," Blaine said softly.

Kurt's head snaps around but has his eyes find Blaine, his eyes soften. He nods to Blaine, indicating the shorter male to come over.

When Blaine's closed the distance, he hands over the mug to Kurt before settling himself on the couch beside Kurt.

"Thanks," Kurt mumbles softly as he brings the mug to his lips with both of his hands. "I really needed this."

Kurt turns to face the TV screen again, but his face remains blank and Blaine can see the tension building up within Kurt; how his shoulders rises almost in defensive stance and how his fingers are clasped a bit too tightly around the mug. He knows Blaine wants to ask something, but is too polite – or maybe shy – to ask.

A comfortable silence settles around the two of them; both sipping their coffee trying to figure out what to talk about, before Kurt turns off the TV and almost throws away the remote.

"I know you want to ask," he says monotonously as he stares into his mug. "So spill it out."

Blaine shifts on the couch, crossing his leg over his other; an action which leads his entire body facing Kurt's.

"I don't want to force anything you're not comfortable with, Kurt," he replies, looking intently at him. When the older boy just nods, Blaine clears his throat before he moves on.

"Are you," Blaine considers his choice of words, "are you OK?"

Kurt gives him a look and Blaine would normally slap himself for the stupid question but—

Kurt seems OK now, Blaine thinks. But doesn't he always? Well, until _stuff_ happens and he turns into someone else. Blaine isn't exactly at wit's end, but he _is_ worried about the man beside him.

"I am, thank you Mom dearest, and no; I don't want to wear the pony sweater," Kurt chuckles midsentence, but Blaine only frowns at him.

"Kurt, I'm—," Blaine stops and places his mug on the table, "I'm being serious here, I mean, what the hell was that in the park?"

The brunette sends him a glare.

"Stuff," Kurt apprises, turning his attention to the coffee.

"Kurt, seriously," Blaine tries with another approach, "what happened? If you don't get it, I was there. I was there and had an internal freak out because of your sudden change of mood. Do I have to spell it to you with neon signs? I care, alright? I care about you, and I want to be prepared if this is going to happen again another time. I don't want any more surprises. You asked me to move in, and if this is going to work—no more surprises. That's what I'm asking for here."

"Stuff happened, Blaine, stuff that is none of your business actually. I'm handling it okay, alright?" Kurt sends him another glare. "And if I ever feel the need to have a little talk, my parents are first in line to talk to, and not a stranger like you."

Blaine stares him, disbelief clearly written across his face.

'_Stranger?_' Blaine repeats in his mind before replying.

"I'm terribly sorry, Kurt, but as you may have noticed, Fai and I are involved in this little drama of yours too! I honestly don't mind what you're doing with your life – couldn't give a rat's arse about it, actually – but as I'm raising your kid during days, I happen to have to be around you too as a consequence. So yes, I'd like to think that this concerns me because _clearly_ I can't be much of a stranger."

"Maybe I just happen to have a different definition of 'stranger' than you have," Kurt counters and slams the empty mug on the table. "Maybe I just don't feel like opening up to random people as the mood goes, alright? I'm trying, here, Blaine," Kurt's voice cracks as he stares at him in exasperation, "I'm doing my best. I want my child to—to have the best childhood, but at the same time I want her safe—I _need_ her to be safe. I'm working for the sake of her staying safe," he ends, staring defensively into the depths of Blaine's eyes as though he was challenging him.

"Yeah, well," Blaine almost mocks him, "I'm trying to give her a good childhood to whilst you're gone for the day, and I'd like to know what the hell scared you, _especially_ if it is a concern of Fai's welfare."

That seemed to do it, Blaine notices, as Kurt's face softens a little.

The silence between them is lingering, filled with tension which dances between them as electricity. They're catching their breaths but Fai clearly was none the wiser, still sleeping soundly in another room.

"I thought that—," Kurt starts, clasping his hands over his lap. He looks down, almost as though he's ashamed, and Blaine cannot help but notice how Kurt's fingers are shaking. "I thought that was my—um—ex," he admits and hesitantly looks up at Blaine to see his reaction.

Blaine nods in understanding, glad that Kurt was telling him this.  
"I know you don't know me much, Kurt," he says. "but I'll be here if you ever need someone to talk to—"

He stops as Kurt jerks his hand to his chest, clasping the other over it.

"He's just—," Kurt's eyebrows knit together in a frown, his fingers still trembling slightly, "he's just someone I don't want in my life anymore. He's not a—not an exactly happy part of my life, to put it—er—to put it lightly. And I'd rather keep this part locked away and forgotten."

"Do you think about it much?" Blaine asks gently.

Kurt shakes his head, thinking: '_All the time_', but Blaine almost seems to hear that too, because he nods again, and Kurt meets his eyes again.

"It's over now," Blaine assures him, tilting his head to the right and Kurt can't help but think it's never over. "Let it go, Kurt. It's all in the past."

"I'm trying," Kurt admits, and looks down at his hands again. "I really am."

But both Blaine and Kurt know that letting go isn't that easy.

* * *

_Hey mom,_

_The apartment is amazing, seriously, the room is huge and the bed is really comfy._

_I went to the park today with Kurt, and he _—_well, he got really upset, to put it lightly. I honestly don't know what's wrong with him, mom. He says he's upset about his ex. I'm not sure what to make of that._

_But _— _is it stupid to say it already? I feel upset when I see him like that. I wish I could help him; it hurts to be unable to. _

_And he's not letting me in. I think he thinks he's in it all alone, and ignores me. But he's not alone, is he?_

_What should I do to make him have faith in me? I don't know. After all, it's only been 3 days; maybe it's too soon._

_I miss you so much, mom. I wish you were here so you could give me some advice. But I'm grown up now, as you would say. I need to be able to fix this._

_I can, I believe._

_If I believe in myself, everything will turn out okay._

_At times like these, I wish I could go back to Ohio, because _— _I think I miss him._

_Stupid right?_

_I think I can afford to be a bit stupid sometimes. He was_—

_He was a big part of my life, wasn't he?_

_I love you, mom,_

_Blaine._


	4. The insides

_**Author's Note:** Hello guys! It's been a while, hasn't it? I am glad to finally introduce you to chapter 4. I honestly have been tossing around with this quite a while and was stuck at where this chapter ended.. I decided to cut it here and just post the chapter and continue writing on a new part of it. I hope you don't mind that the chapter is shorter than usual. This story was normally written by two people but my lovely co-writer, who I miss terribly, has been really busy lately and we've been unable to write. Yet, I do hope you will enjoy my story and I will try to write and update soon again - though I'm kind of facing an authors block with this story._

_Please forgive me for taking so long and please, enjoy it!_

* * *

_Hey mom,_

_I had a really great talk with Kurt yesterday. I must say it was in one way delighting, yet in another enlightening. He opened up a little, I'd presume, but he's still really introverted._

_So I moved, isn't that great? The flat is amazing and I can see me enjoying my time here._

_I feel like my life has finally started._

_Like you always taught me to do, mom. To enjoy that kind of life._

_Love you,_

_Blaine_

* * *

Kurt is standing in the kitchen, quietly eating a sandwich. He's well aware he should've eaten more before, but when the memory of Andrew was lingering, and once it had been lit – there was no turning back.

'_Are you eating _again_?_' An all too familiar voice rings through his head, causing him to drop his sandwich onto the counter. He closes his eyes, trying to forget it.

_'You're going to end up as the fattest man in the Guinness World Records_!' Andrew's sneering expression appears on Kurt's retinas.

Kurt carefully turns his body around to lean against the counter. Couldn't he ever catch a break? The memory constantly haunts him, forcing him to relive it even though he's technically free. The memory of Andrew restrains Kurt, refusing for him to catch his breath.

He sighs audibly, pulling a hand over his face before pushing himself off the counter.

"Alright," he mumbles to no one, walking slowly to the bathroom. Andrew's sneers echoes in his head as he's walking. When he finally finds his way inside the room, he stares at himself in the mirror for a second.

He's losing it.

There are dark circles under his eyes, exposing the truth of his sleepless nights. There is a slight frown between his eyebrows, revealing the worry that is gradually growing inside him. His skin is paler than usual and his cheekbones are standing out; his eyes are glowing in contrast to everything else of him, yet shadowed with dullness.

He slowly raises a hand and he touches his cheeks with trembling fingers. It hit him then; he's falling.

His blinks his eyes a few times before looking down at the toilet seat and he sends it a half-hearted glare.

It's nothing unfamiliar with this situation.

After all, Andrew was the one who introduced him to it.

He sends his reflection a second look before he walks over to the toilet and kneels beside it. He leans over to look into it. The shallow water is still and he wonders how it would be if his emotional state could be just as still.

Slowly he's opening his mouth, sticking two fingers inside his mouth to find the gag reflex.

Just as he shuts his eyes, he hears a voice, and it is very real:

"What are you _doing_?!"

* * *

Blaine rolls over to the other side of the bed with a groan. He curses under his breath and pushes himself up using his elbows.

He had been able to fall asleep, but a nightmare - and his urgent need to pee - woke him up.

Slowly he opens his eyes and rubs them half-heartedly. He yawns as he takes in the room. It was a lot bigger than hotel room, or maybe it was just the perfect design that indicating it was nothing but an ordinary apartment room.

Well, except for the expensive taste.

It took him a few moments to remember where he was.

'_Oh, right, I'm at Kurt's_,' he thinks and closes his eyes again, letting his head hit the pillow again. _'No wonder I slept better than normal_.'

His bladder makes its presence known again and Blaine groans. He reopens his eyes and throws a glance at the bedroom door, trying to calculate the distance between the room and the bathroom.

'_But going to a toilet in someone else's house is so awkward,_' he muses. '_And what if Kurt hears me? Wouldn't that be a bit strange and—well, awkward?_'

But maybe—

"Anderson, you've got to shut up this instant," he mutters under his breath. "You're going down the inappropriate road." It takes him a moment before a soft laugh escapes his lips. _Had he really been thinking that_?

"Some people would call me pathetic," he mumbles and buries his head in the pillow again. "I, myself, just like to call me weird."

He considers his mental stability for a while—talking to himself did leave him wondering—before sitting up again.

What time was it anyway?

He fumbles with his phone and has to squint his eyes as the screen rudely flashes bright, telling him that it's 2.10 in the night and he could have been sleeping instead of talking to himself.

Which reminds him that he really, _really_has to pee.

He grabs the pillow and presses it against his face from above.

With an exasperated sigh, he turns in the bed and throws the legs out, letting his bare feet touch the quite warm floorboards. His toes curl and he straightens his body with another yawn.

He's still in a half-asleep state when he reaches the bathroom but the sight that meets his eyes when he opens the door wakes him up in an instant.

He almost pisses himself in shock because there Kurt is, kneeling in front of the toilet seat with his fingers stuck in his throat.

'_What the—?_'

The wheels in his head spin as he tries to process the sight.

Perhaps he had miscalculated Kurt's state of mind and the male was far off worse than he had previously expected.

He finally seems to find the words, and he croaks them out: "What are you _doing_?!"

Kurt flinches; the fingers out of his mouth so fast Blaine must have blinked. The male turns around to see Blaine standing in the doorway and his eyes widen almost comically. He jumps up to his feet, swaying dangerously for a moment before flushing the toilet to obviate evidence.

"I'm—well, I—" Kurt begins, his eyes flickering towards the door and pointedly avoids Blaine's stare. "I'm not feeling so well," he finishes lamely.

'_Bullshit_,' Blaine thinks, not wavering for a second. '_You've been acting like this before, don't think I haven't noticed._'

"Maybe it was the food—" Kurt tries half-heartedly as he fidgets the hem of his shirt.

Blaine frowns and lifts Kurt's chin with his index finger, forcing the other to look at him.

"Kurt, please," Blaine says as Kurt still avoids Blaine's eyes. "Please, look at me."

Kurt shakes his head and tries to push Blaine away, but Blaine doesn't give up, even though he's getting more frustrated.

"Kurt, you've gotta listen to me," he says and holds Kurt still.

"I don't feel very well—" Kurt counters, but finally looks into Blaine's eyes.

Hazel met bluish green eyes, or maybe they were greenish blue, but Blaine found that he didn't care. They were beautiful.

Or at least they would have been, had they not been overshadowed with fright.

And just like that, Blaine's frustration drops and is quickly replaced by worry.

"Come on," he says and walks out of the door, signalising Kurt to follow him. The other follows dejectedly behind and soon finds himself in the kitchen.

Blaine holds out a chair. "Sit down," he says and Kurt obliges.

Blaine doesn't want to know whether it is out of fear or defeat. The way Kurt looks down at his hands, his shoulders slouched, makes Blaine's heart ache. This was the proud Kurt; the one who never backed down a challenge; the successful young fashion designer and the one who carried himself straight. Whatever made him feel this way, Blaine wondered?

He walks up to the counter to make some hot chocolate for the both of them.

"So," Blaine starts and turns to face Kurt. "Wanna tell me how long this has been going on?" Blaine asks when he leans against the counter.

And just like that, Kurt's posture changes; his shoulders rise and he crosses his arms over the chest.

"Nothing is going on," he says defensively. "I just felt bad and I needed to get the food out of me."

Blaine hands him the hot chocolate. "Bad about what?"

Kurt meets his eyes again and Blaine could see the walls he's put up. They stare at each other for a full two minutes, challenging each other, but finally Kurt gives in and his defensive stance is dropped again.

"I'm fat," he mumbles, pushing away the mug.

Blaine stares at Kurt as if he were mental.

'_Fat? Is he—he's kidding, right?_'

"Kurt, please, are you—"

"I _am_," Kurt argues, crossing his arms again. "I am," he repeats and this time he sounds utterly forlorn.

"Hey," Blaine says, and sits down beside Kurt. He puts a hand gently on Kurt's arm, and Kurt flinches ever so slightly, but Blaine caught the involuntary movement. "You're not fat, Kurt. You're a beautiful looking man and I can truthfully say you're probably the contrary to fat. You're really thin, don't you see it? Your cheeks more hollow than healthy, and—"

"I _know_," Kurt interrupts with a snap. "You don't have to tell me how ugly I am."

Blaine stays quiet for a while.

'_You're not ugly_,' he thinks, but he's too afraid to say it out loud.

"Who told you all this?" Blaine asks instead.

"Andrew," comes the short answer.

"And who's that?" he prods gently.

"He's—he was—" Kurt takes a shaky breath and stares hard at the mug. His head rests on his palms with the elbows resting on the table and Blaine can clearly make out the tension in Kurt's shoulders and jaw. It's almost like Kurt's having an inner battle, which he probably has, and it takes him a few quiet moments before he finally chokes out: "He was my boyfriend."

He'd suspected as much, but he hadn't wanted to assume.

Blaine lets out a soft sigh, and he gently squeezes Kurt's arm.

"What else did he do?"

"He told me he loved me," Kurt whispers. "Told me he'd give up everything for my happiness. I was stupid enough to believe him. After a while he threw a comment about what I was eating or the fact that I _was_ eating, like I wasn't worthy enough of food. He proceeded to nag at me that I was gaining weight but—but I _didn't_, but he told me he could _see it_ and it really—it's not like I _believe_him, but it's just—sometimes it's all I hear, and—"

Blaine pulls Kurt into a one-arm hug and he can't help but think it feels kind of good.

"Believe me when I say you're worthy food and so much more withal. You're a beautiful young man with a beautiful daughter and a wonderful, although draining, job. You've got a future ahead of you, and you have to decide now whether or not you're going to let Andrew control you still."

"I don't _want_him to control me," Kurt admits as he lets go of Blaine. "I just can't help his words coming back to me with full force. It's—I'm so tired of it—"

"Then stop thinking them, Kurt," Blaine says softly.

With that, something breaks within Kurt. Blaine tries to figure out whether it's a positive sign or not, but the way Kurt's shoulders shake and the sounds of the sobs coming out of his lips makes Blaine forget about everything else and he pulls Kurt into a proper hug, which Kurt clings onto almost desperately.

Blaine can't help but wonder just _how long _Kurt has needed it.

"You're _not_fat," he whispers into Kurt's ear as his hand pulls through the brunette's hair gently. "Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

They stay like that for a few minutes; Kurt finally letting the walls fall and Blaine listening to the agonised cries.

He wonders how anyone could hurt Kurt. Yes, he was acting out of it sometimes, but—

Blaine isn't making any excuses for Kurt's behaviour but it's obvious it's some kind of defence of his; some kind of default mode or retreatment to protect him. And Blaine doesn't have heart enough to blame him, if the man in his arms' ex-boyfriend had been abusing Kurt at least emotionally.

Kurt's sudden outbursts and change of mood were understandable with the stress of processing his past, his present and his future; the abuse he's suffered, the escape, getting a child, getting a job and having to provide for two people. The depression Blaine suspects he's suffering from that drowns him slowly and Kurt refuses to acknowledge it.

Slowly, Kurt's sobs become more subdued, only vague hiccups now and then.

"Feeling better?" Blaine asks gently.

Kurt snaps his head up and pushes Blaine away. The hands press against Blaine's chest and with an unexpected force, he manages to free himself from the dark-haired man.

"Get away from me," he spits and Blaine sees Kurt's inner battle; sees how the walls go back up like the last minutes hadn't happened at all.

"Kurt," Blaine starts, but Kurt shakes his head.

"I'm going," he announces stiffly, but Blaine grabs Kurt's wrist and holds him back.

"You're not going anywhere," Blaine says firmly. "Not until you hear me out."

He waits for Kurt's signal to continue, and it takes a few moments before Kurt turns around with a sigh. "Fine," he says, his eyes clouded with an unreadable emotion.

"I know you've had it rough, and probably still have," Blaine begins, feeling slightly nervous at the impromptu speech. "But I'm here to help Fai and in order to help Fai, I've realised, I've got to help you. You're the father, therefore I expect _you_to be stable enough to take care of her. I know you love her," he hurries to add as Kurt opens his mouth to interrupt, "but you've got to take care of her too. Don't let Andrew destroy her life too, if you deem yourself destroyed. Don't let Fai face the consequences too."

Blaine stops and takes a good look at Kurt. He sees the emotions flash in Kurt's eyes rapidly, the only giveaway he got that Kurt's listened to him.

"It's 2am," Blaine finally announces when the silence became too deafening. "I know it's a Sunday, but you look like you could use a really good night's sleep."

Kurt nods numbly.

"I'll just go—" Blaine apprises and stands up. Just has he starts walking away, he feels slender fingers grasp around his wrist.

He looks around to see Kurt stare at him with a sincere expression.

"Thank you," Kurt whispers and gives him a hesitant smile. "I—just _thank _you."

Blaine smiles back and pulls Kurt into a tight hug, again ignoring Kurt's flinch. Kurt didn't return the hug first, but his shoulders gradually relaxed and then his arms found their way around to hug him tightly, inhaling the scent of Blaine.

"You matter, Kurt," Blaine says truthfully. "Don't let Andrew make you do anything stupid, or most importantly: don't let yourself do it."

* * *

As far as he's concerned, he's let the worries take his mind to a place ultramundane. He likes to call it Neverland— because that's the place where he can decide what is ridiculous and what is not. Well, he had to admit Kurt managed to give him quite the scare.

He would assume you don't see a 22 year old guy with his fingers in his mouth on daily basis. Fact is, he has never actually seen _anyone_do that.

Blaine sighs as he tosses the blankets off him. He really couldn't get the mental image of Kurt with his fingers in his mouth, playing with his gag reflex to relieve his body with what little nutrients he had actually gotten during the day – or days.

As he gives the clock a quick glance, he feels incredibly satisfied with himself that he actually slept longer than an hour like he did yesterday. The mental debate of whether to get up or not crosses his mind. Getting up as the first person and making himself a cup of coffee would be so _inappropriate_, seeing he _still_isn't overly accustomed to living in someone else's flat.

Letting out a small groan, he pushes himself up from the bed and leaves the bedroom. He glances briefly between the other bedroom doors, checking if Fai had gotten up, but the room is silent. Shrugging, he walks into the kitchen, seeing he's the only resident up and about this morning.

Well in the kitchen, he proceeds to his morning routine by turning on the coffee machine before leaning against the counter.

He wonders how Kurt's doing. The musings continued the same line and his eyebrows fall into a small frown as he recalls the memories from yesterday.

Blaine has to admit he cuddled on his bed alone afterwards, trying desperately to cease his crying session, but had been unable to do so. He supposes he's more worried about Kurt than he'd previously thought.

The coffee machine lets out a small peep and Blaine moves to grab the two mugs. He places one of them on the table, and brings the other one to his lips after he's poured the drink.

Letting the hot liquid pass between his lips, he closes his eyes.

Should he make breakfast? Blaine ponders on the thought. He groans and opens the cupboard. He tells himself it's because Kurt's feeling miserable; that it's to make sure the male gets something to eat.

He opens the refrigerator to grab all the necessities, including the vegetables. Kurt had told him how he plans on raising his kid healthily by giving her daily fruit and vegetables. He had stressed the importance to keep doing so every day and never relent.

Blaine slowly sets the table and is surprised he even remembers where everything is placed; such as the bread and cereals. He even remembers where the scones were hidden away.

He's about to take seat when the doorbell rings, and he hesitates mid-motion.

"Shit," Blaine curses under his breath. He wonders if he's supposed to open the door, but soon figures out it'd only be rude not to.

He only hopes he wouldn't find a murderer on the other side.

He moves quickly over to the door and opens it. He freezes when he gets a look at the two people behind the door.

One very, _very_tall man, who despite it all looked very kind, and a girl shorter than Blaine himself, carrying herself confidently.

"Wow," the guy starts off. "I didn't know that Kurt would find himself a hobbit." The brown-haired girl next to him slaps him slightly on the shoulder, muttering something to him.

"Hello," the girl greets him merrily and enters the house, making her feel like home as she causally hangs her coat on the hanger. "I am Rachel Berry, and who might you be?"

Blaine blinks at her a few times, watching her take off her shoes before she looks expectantly up at him.

"Well," he starts, scratching his morning stubble. "I'm Blaine— I'm Fai's babysitter," Blaine deadpanned.

He watches the girl her gaze soften, whilst the guy had moved towards the kitchen.  
Blaine frowns softly as he waits for Rachel to continue, but no continuation happens.

It's not like Blaine doesn't know Rachel Berry. When he had talked to Kurt the first day, he mentioned that his best friend was Rachel Berry, the famous broadway star. He had also talked about his step-brother Finn Hudson, who was married to Rachel Berry. About the crush Kurt had on his stepbrother, and then brought his dad and his current stepmother together. About the fights with Rachel about solo's, well he could make some stuff about Rachel.

When Kurt had suggested meeting her once, Blaine wasn't really sure if he wanted to - she sounded like a fire.

Blaine motions to Rachel to come over to the kitchen, where they both sit down.  
Finn was making sandwiches for himself, whilst having one stuffed in his mouth.

"Would you like some coffee?" Blaine offers, already heading for the coffee machine. The couple both nod and Blaine makes his way to the coffee machine.

As he stood by the coffee machine, he realised in what kind of mess he was in and sighed deeply; this was going to be_ long_ afternoon.


	5. The Bridge

_**A/N:** HELLO! Hey! Hey! Look at us! We're back! And this time with both the authors and a chapter with a normal (excuse me it's 10K+?) chapter! This chapter involves almost no Fai, but for important reasons. This chapter is the bridge chapter that we need to change the content of their conversations. Next chapters will become more intense and more pieces of their past will be revealed as to our plot. I'm glad to say that we finally ended the first part of our story. Giving our characters personality and a base to work on._

_We hope that you will still stick with us, and I hope you enjoy our story because, we wrote all Sunday through Tuesday on this._

_Please anticipate next chapter,_

_Thank you for your patience!_

**Trigger Warnings:** This chapter contains described eating disorder, talking about past domestic violence and a soft brush upon risk of suicide. And general depressive thoughts, I suppose.

* * *

_Hey mom,_

_It's me, Blaine._

_I really—don't have the time to write._

_I'll tell you later._

_Sorry,_

_Love, _

_Blaine Anderson. _

* * *

Blaine sighs deeply as he closes the door with a small thud behind him. Rachel and Finn were a handful, so when she announced that they were leaving, he let out a deep sigh of relief. They stayed about 4 hours and with having to feed Fai in between, Blaine found himself wishing that Kurt would return home. Finally finding the comfort in the couch, he shoots a quick glance at the clock, absorbing the fact that Kurt is almost returning home. With a grunt, he buries his face in the pillow that is lying next to him.

He finds himself wondering how the conversation will go when Kurt returns. The conversation from yesterday is still lingering on his mind, and he can't deny that he was curious. Of course, Rachel had told him stuff, but Blaine was not sure whether to trust her or not. He smiles sadly as he recalls the moment with Rachel.

_"So, has he told you anything yet?" Rachel whispers nervously, leaning closer to Blaine. Flinching slightly, he pulls back quickly._

_"Told me what?" Blaine questions, frowning lightly._

_"Oh, nothing, really," Rachel says then, waving a hand. "I just wondered-"_

_She falls quiet for a moment, silently contemplating something. Blaine wants to ask what it is that Kurt might have told him, but at the same time he doesn't want to invade Kurt's privacy._

_Her bangs fall over her eyes as she darts her eyes to her hands, folded upon her lap._

_"Did he ever tell you that Fai's not actually his?" she asks, lowering her voice to the point where Blaine has to, albeit in a slight uncomfortable manner, lean forward to actually hear what she's saying._

_Blaine blinks at her words, his eyebrows knotting to a frown. "What do you mean?"_

_And he feels a bit guilty by asking this, but he can't help himself._

_"It's actually his ex's. And his best friend's, Quinn, but she died. I actually knew her too, and Finn. But when she died, she told everyone that Fai was not to get into the hands of Andrew- that's Kurt's ex- and that Kurt is to have full custody. Andrew hasn't been around since then, as far as I know." She lowers her voice even more. "Kurt and Andrew broke up because of troubles in the paradise, except apparently there never was a paradise. Andrew smacked Kurt around."_

_Blaine pulls back, giving Rachel a pointed look. "Why're you telling me this?"_

_"Well," Rachel shrugs, pulling back as well, "I think you have the right to know the history about the kid you're taking care of."_

Blaine finds himself worrying about the sudden knowledge, because he's sure that he is going to act upon it. And knowing himself, the first conversation they were going to have next, would be the one that he would speak up about it. He buries his

head once more into the pillow until his head snaps up at the sound of the door opening.

"Kurt?" he tries softly, pushing his body up from the couch. When no reply comes, he shuffles into the other room.

"Yeah, yeah," a voice, out of breath, says. "It's me, it's me— can you help me, please? I'm going to drop these in a moment."

Blaine rushes quickly over to where Kurt was standing in the hallway and takes some of the magazines in his arms and grabs another bag.

"What're those?" Blaine asks curiously, flipping one of the magazines.

"Just for work, just for work," Kurt mutters, twisting around to hang his coat upon a hanger. He stops mid-way. "Rachel's been here?" he asks, his hand grabbing for a very well familiar beanie.

He looks at Blaine with a frown when he doesn't reply immediately.

"Er—yeah," Blaine admits, blowing out a sigh. "The— the short girl, Jewish? And her fiancé, but he was watching Fai while we—er— talked," he finishes lamely.

"About?" Kurt asks, gripping the beanie tightly. He narrows his eyes. "Talked about what?"

"Just this and that," the shorter man says, avoiding the blazing eyes of one Kurt Hummel.

"You're lying," Kurt accuses, throwing the beanie at him. "Tell me the truth! She told you, didn't she? About Andrew, right? And Quinn? What more did she tell you? Huh?"

"Hey, calm down—"

"I won't calm down until I get the truth out of you!"

"You're waking Fai—"

"Why is everyone going behind my back?" Kurt shouts, throwing his hands in the air exasperatedly. "Just because Fai isn't mine _biologically_, doesn't mean she isn't _mine_!"

"I was more concerned about the statement she made about Andrew—" Kurt flinches involuntarily at the name, "—being abusive," Blaine admits. "I know Fai's yours in every way that matters."

Kurt crosses his arms over his chest.

"The living room?" Blaine suggests, tilting his head a little. "Might be a favour to us if we don't wish to wake up Fai."

Kurt grunts as he rolls his eyes and moves towards the living room. "Alright," he says quietly as he slumps down onto the couch. "But I'm not telling you anything!"

"You don't have to," Blaine assures the other man as he takes seat on the other side of the couch. "But I think you should talk to someone. Maybe not me, but someone—"

"You mean like a shrink?" Kurt asks bluntly, raising a brow as he sends a glare at the nanny. "I've got no time for them. Besides, I'm all fine and dandy."

Blaine purses his lips. "You tell yourself that, but I think you know how far away from fine you actually are."

"Who are you to tell me that?" Kurt snaps abruptly, shooting Blaine a death glare. "I honestly don't recall me saying that you're allowed to tell me what to do!" Blaine frowns slightly and reaches his hand to pat Kurt's knee awkwardly.

"I don't think you have someone to tell you what to do," Blaine answers after a silence as he recalls what Rachel told him. "After you lost the only person who had control over you, you weren't able to hold control over yourself anymore."

Blaine hates how painful and huge the words sound, but he feels like these words were the right ones. Kurt eyebrow shoots up fast, and crosses his arms over his chest once again.

"So you're telling me that I'm crazy?" Kurt asks in a denunciatory tone. He sounds almost pissed. "Right, that's exactly what I needed, Blaine, thank you very much! I'm so glad someone finally sees through my barrier; that yes. I am actually a sick psychopath that wants to put everyone in this house on fire. Because yeah, I'm crazy—yeah."

Blaine clasps Kurt's hands between his and shakes his head blatantly. "Kurt, no," he mutters. "That's not what I meant!"

"Well," Kurt snorts, "it sure as hell sounded like it."

"Well, I didn't mean it like that," Blaine repeats, a little bit defensive. "I mean—it's okay to need help. It's okay to need someone to talk to. I needed one, back in High School, when I— when I got beaten up. It helped me a lot. I'm sure, when you find someone good to talk to, you'll feel better too."

Kurt stays silent for a while, lost in his own musings. He thinks back, remembering his own High School days. They were hard, but he had friends there by his side always. He had never needed someone to talk to.

He supposes that Blaine is right, something he bitterly admits to himself (though he'd never voice it out loud); he does need someone to talk to. He's not really on speaking terms with his father- but he's mostly to blame on that part as well. Staying in contact with his friends is hard, especially when they remind him about Quinn and therefore the pain the memories of her brings with.

But then again, why would he need to talk to someone? And about what? Andrew is long gone, he hopes, and should no longer be a concern of his. And he's got a nanny to take care of Fai whilst he's gone at work. Work isn't that stressful anyway, just periods at time, and even though they aren't far between, he does have time to rest.

Except he can't rest. Not properly.

But that is something Blaine doesn't need to know.

"I did tell you," Kurt mutters, standing up and brushes away non-existent dust from his pants. "I'm all fine and dandy."

"But Kurt," Blaine starts, his voice almost a whisper.

"No!" Kurt snaps, giving Blaine an angry look. "No buts, no nothing, okay? I'm fine, Blaine, totally fine. And I honestly don't need someone who isn't even tall enough to be able to touch the ceiling to tell me what I'm supposed to do! I'd very much appreciate it if you decided to leave me alone!"

With those words, he leaves the room, grabs the bags and magazine they had left in the hallway, and disappears into his room, leaving Blaine dumbstruck as he watches Kurt leave.

What in the world just happened?

* * *

Blaine is upset, he decides. Wait, scratch that, 'upset' isn't the right word. Disappointed? More likely.

He sighs as he realises that he just feels worthless after what Kurt said to him. He is trying, really he is, but Kurt keeps shutting him out all the time, just when Blaine thinks that he has him. Just when Blaine thinks that, maybe Kurt will stop pushing others away, Kurt does what Blaine fears, slams his doors shut, but not after a few well-placed insults.

If there is one feeling in the world that Blaine really dislikes, it would be the feeling of being worthless. He honestly hates that the past week that he's known Kurt, that half of the time, he had to watch Kurt suffer.

Blaine calls himself a rather sentimental guy. He wants to do good for everyone; wants to help everyone - especially people in need. And every time Kurt turns him down, well it does hurt. A lot.

He sighs again and closes his eyes briefly. He recalls his memories with his mother, the way she used to ruffle her hand through his curls, smiling at him when he told her how he helped the teacher out once again, or that he gave a dollar to a homeless man. He misses the reassurance his mother gave him by telling him he did well.

Blaine hates growing up, he decides. He would much rather stay home and watch movies and sing all day; and with Fai he could but—

Blaine has to admit, at least to himself, that he isn't able to fuss over Fai when Kurt is being like this. He is not going to deny either of the facts that Kurt is gorgeous and beautiful in any way possible. So, when the man had snapped at him, claiming that he was ugly and pointing out the flaws that Blaine already knew; that Blaine already was self-conscious about, it had stung, quite badly, and at that moment he'd decided that he would do to help Kurt.

But now two days later, Blaine finds himself wondering if he actually should. Perhaps not every broken person is able to be healed? He quickly shrugs the thought away; no. He is going to help Kurt, even if Kurt doesn't want him to.

Blaine spends another minute in total silence and his gaze falls onto his guitar in the corner. Standing up swiftly, he walks over to the instrument and grabs it gently before he settles back onto the couch.

He plays some strings on the guitar absentmindedly whilst looking out of the window. He is thinking how he is going to apologise to Kurt later. Apologising seems like the smartest thing to do right now, if he wants to keep his job, and most of all, keep on the good side of Kurt's mood.

Blaine sighs before licking his lips. He pulls the strings, creating the well familiar tune of one of his favourite songs in existence. For a long time, he's wanted to sing it for someone, because it's catchy and very self-explanatory.

Teenage Dream; because he imagines it being like one of those dreams. Love, that is.

The soft tunes dance in the room, and he closes his eyes, thinking about Kurt's blue eyes, looking so tired, scared, and angry at the same time - and he frowns.

He wishes so desperately for someone to tell him what to do or how to help. But there is no one.

Clearing his throat, he lets himself fall into the music, following the notes and adding his voice to them:

"_Before you met me, I was alright but things were kinda heavy;_

_You brought me to life, now every February;_

_You'll be my valentine,_" Blaine sings, leaning his head back at the couch, "_Valentine._"

He lets his voice drop a little, feeling the rhythm of the song, and he can't help but think about Kurt.

"_Let's go all, the way tonight;_

_No regrets; just love;_

_We can dance on until we die,_" he feels his voice breaking a little, not because he's not used to sing, but because there are tears burning behind his eyes, accompanied by a heavy lump in his throat. He doesn't know why.

"_You and I,_" he sings next, "_will be young forever._"

Then Kurt is there again, lingering by the doorway. Blaine turns his head and locks his eyes with Kurt's. Slightly overwhelmed by the way Kurt stares at him- like his soul is staring into Blaine's- he has to blink and avert his eyes when his heart skips a beat. The way Kurt is watching him is real and deep. He gives Blaine a look with those wide blue-green eyes, almost as though he's expecting something, and Blaine can only watch him do so as he continues his song; sings those words that he feels might be truer than he'd previously thought.

"_You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream;_

_the way you turn me on,_" he sings, smiling hesitantly at the other man, "_I can't sleep, let's run away and don't ever look back, don't ever look back._"

And Kurt doesn't move, he almost doesn't blink, and Blaine is starting to get more nervous, but it doesn't matter anymore, he decides, as he continues, just this last part, because he needs to get it out, and he's certain that maybe what Kurt needs are those words.

"_My heart stops, when you look at me,_" he's looking intently at Kurt as he sings, "_just one touch, now baby I believe, this is real,_" and Blaine slows down, lowering the tempo as well as his voice, "_take a chance and don't ever look back._"

Blaine's smile grows wider, his heart is beating faster, and it might be because of the intense connection with Kurt as he sings the words. He can't help it, but he thinks he saw Kurt's lips curl to a soft smile—or he hopes that he saw that, but he probably imagined it. Probably.

* * *

Right as the words had left Kurt's mouth, he had regretted them, regretted his temper and cursed his existence.

The way Blaine's eyes had widened, not only with shock, but with hurt, had been a punch in Kurt's guts, and he wanted nothing else than to turn back time, just a few seconds, and stop himself from saying it.

But he hadn't been able to turn back time; he could just leave the room, slam the door after him, and drop the stuff onto the floor and throw himself upon the bed.

He'd felt like a teenager all over again.

He doesn't know for how long he had been lying on the bed, thinking about everything his life had become after leaving Ohio.

He had decided that his life outside Ohio had been fine, amazing, really, until Andrew had appeared in his life, seemingly a knight in shining armour, but in reality the devil in disguise.

Tears had tracked down Kurt's cheeks as he thought back to these times, where he had been happy, with Andrew. He wonders why Andrew changed.

He wonders, now, as he stares at the ceiling in boredom, why Andrew couldn't have just let him go, instead of chaining him, choking him and stealing away Kurt's life with his bare hands.

All his life, Kurt's been a wanderer; a wanderer wanting to explore more. When he had been little, he had wanted to know everything, and would often be found with a book in his hands, trying to make out the big words with a scrunched up face.

Leaving Ohio, he had been a wanderer, but also become something more to that.

Andrew had stolen it and ruined Kurt's chances in figuring out who he really was.

Kurt still doesn't know for certain whom he is. He just knows who he's supposed to be.

But Blaine, sweet, darling, innocent Blaine knows Kurt, almost like he's got his biography written at the back of his hand. Blaine prods, gently, and asks Kurt questions that Kurt normally would snap at, but responds to with actual answers.

Blaine, who doesn't know how to hurt a fly, takes Kurt's hands into his, stroking his thumbs over the slender hands, with soft words of assurance that everything will be okay.

But it won't be, Kurt's inner self argues stubbornly. It will never be okay, not ever, because nothing had ever been okay. It hadn't been okay that his mother had died, nor had it been okay to get constantly bullied because he happened to like boys. It certainly hadn't been okay when Andrew hit him that first time, when Quinn had died, when he had gotten a child pushed into his arms, not sure if he was ready, but refusing to let go of the small body.

Kurt is crying, something he's been doing a lot, not only lately, but all his life. He hates crying though, because it makes his heart ache, and it makes his eyes wet, and it's really, really bad for his skin.

But the thing is, he's not really crying because of the past. He's done enough of crying because of that. He's crying because of what he has become; the snarky bitch that cannot let people in; the idiot that pushes away people with insults and ends up complaining about lack of people in his life.

It hurts to think that one day, people will give up on him, and leave him, and he'll end up just another nameless man on the streets; just another nameless, lost wanderer.

A voice, small, almost not really there (which Kurt secretly hopes it isn't, because it would mean he's more of a nut case than he'd thought), whispers: "_Maybe you should apologise._"

The voice, small as it is, still has that force behind it, as though it knows something Kurt doesn't. It annoys Kurt, but he sighs, rolling over to his stomach and presses his face against the pillows.

"I really don't know how to," he mutters back, not caring about how pathetic he sounds as he speaks to himself. "He's probably mad at me, with a good reason too."

The voice speaks again, softly, almost pitying and Kurt has to wonder if he subconsciously is pitying himself: "_Yes, but that shouldn't stop you from apologising._"

Kurt groans. He wants to apologise, but he's too scared that this had been the last straw; that this is where Blaine packs his bags and leaves Kurt to his destiny of loneliness.

He's scared what he's going to find if he leaves the sanctuary that his room has become.

He bites his lips, rolls over to his back and sits up.

His heart still aches.

He wonders why, but he can't decide whether it's from guilt, or from the years of hurt.

"_Go and apologise,_" the voice says to him, and Kurt frowns, because he's alone in the room.

"I'm not schizophrenic, am I?" Kurt asks, almost whimpers as he does so, because he's scared of the answer. "I mean, if I am, then Blaine never would want to—"

He stops right there. He does not finish that sentence, not even in his head.

The voice giggles. "_Nope,_" it says. "_But if you're not apologising, I will become very much real._"

Kurt gets up, dragging his feet to the living-room, where he finds Blaine. He's still sitting there, but he has busied himself with his guitar, playing a familiar song, but long forgotten to Kurt.

He bites his lip, a small wrinkle appearing between his eyebrows, as he closes the distance between them.

"_You and I,_" he hears Blaine singing, "_will be young forever,_" and Kurt is hit by the realisation of what song it is.

"_You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream, the way you turn me on,_" Blaine continues, and their eyes lock and Kurt's heart beats so fast in his chest and his hands are sweating.

Why is Blaine singing?

Why can't he stop so he can just apologise and disappear again?

Why isn't he turning away?

Why are Blaine's eyes the most beautiful ones he's ever seen?

"_Take a chance and don't ever look back,_" Blaine almost whispers, softly, looking into Kurt's eyes and he feels so exposed, so bare and naked, that Kurt almost has to run away and hide. "_Don't ever look back_," he finishes, and smiles hesitantly at Kurt.

Kurt feels the corners of his lips tugging, because how can he not smile back?

* * *

"Hi," Kurt says eventually, after some agonising long moments of silence. "I just— that was—beautiful," he stutters, taking a few hesitant steps forward. "And I just— I didn't mean to— um—spy on you or something, but I just came back to apologise," he manages out, biting his lip. "So yeah, I'm sorry. I was out of line, again. And I probably will be again at some later point but— I don't mean it, and I don't mean to, it just— it just happens," he finishes lamely, and he doesn't dare to look into Blaine's eyes.

He doesn't really feel like he's got the right to, anyway.

Blaine puts his guitar to the side and softly pats the spot beside him, gesturing for Kurt to come over. When he notices that the man isn't going to move, he gestures with his head once more and gives him a small laugh. "Come sit down next to me," he says softly.

Kurt hesitates for a moment, trying to figure out whether it's a trap or not, but eventually he walks over to the couch and gives Blaine a quick glance as he sits down next to him, refusing to look at Blaine as he does so, and fidgets the hem of his shirt nervously. Blaine watches him quietly for a few moments and then he gently takes Kurt's hand into his, and he tries not to think about how thin his fingers have become.

"Look Kurt," Blaine starts, clearing his throat as he shifts slightly and Kurt can't help but to worry. "It's fine, I understand—well, no, I don't, not really, but, I try to understand." Kurt smiles sadly, lowering his eyes at their connected hands and Blaine squeezes Kurt's hand reassuringly. "But you need to know, that you don't have to be so—" he gestures his hand, trying to find the right words, "you don't have to be so defensive."

Kurt laughs airily and bats his eyelashes slowly, looking at Blaine underneath the dark lashes. He knows that Blaine is right—how can he not be?—but he isn't going to admit it, not out loud. Instead, he abruptly pulls Blaine against his own body, arms curling around the back of the other's neck as he buries his face into Blaine's shoulder. He's comforted by the fact that Blaine doesn't pull away, but hugs him tighter.

They're quiet for a moment; just the two of them, where Kurt tries to control his tears, but fails miserably, but Blaine doesn't judge him. Kurt inhales deeply, breathing in the scent of Blaine's skin; the smell of coffee, the coffee he usually drinks, and a bit honey, which Blaine tries to deny he uses to almost everything (but really, Kurt always notices the teaspoon that hadn't been used before he left for work) and simply home.

"I'm just so alone," Kurt mumbles into Blaine's shoulder, his shoulder shaking because of his sobs. "I'm so busy with Fai, and my job and everything else— I just—I'm too busy with something or other that I have no time for anyone else or to do what I feel like. I don't know where to go when I need someone; because I have no one to go to," he admits with a cry, holding onto Blaine as though his life depended on it- and maybe it does. Maybe his life does depend on this little man, because what would he have done the past week, had not Blaine wandered into his life?

The thought makes him cry harder, and Blaine rubs Kurt's back with a calming hand, and he whispers soothing nothings into Kurt's ear. He frowns a little though, because how long ago had it been since someone had held Kurt like this when he needed to?

"And when I try to do something right," Kurt whispers, as though he's ashamed, and maybe he is, because he seems to be ashamed of everything that he is, "something will always go wrong. I have Fai and I really do try to take care of her for Quinn, but I— I'm a terrible dad," he finishes, gripping Blaine by the hair because he doesn't want to lose him too. "And I'm supposed to be running a magazine, but I can't—because I can't juggle between fatherhood and work."

He was crying uncontrollably now, but Blaine didn't pull away, not once, and Kurt wonders to himself where this perfect, young man had been all his life.

"And then you," Kurt starts again when he's calmed down a little. "You're perfect and you see me and I try my best to be nice to you and take care of you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated, but somehow, somehow, every time I open my mouth, something dumb comes out and I just end up insulting you, or embarrassing myself and I run away," Kurt cries harder at this, because reality just bitch-slapped him.

"Like always," he manages to get out in-between his sobs, "running away."

"You aren't running away," Blaine tells him softly, grabbing Kurt's hands. He lets their hands fall between them, still connected, and he notices for the first time how hard Kurt's shaking, and how white his knuckles have become. "You aren't running away, because you're still here."

Kurt shakes his head in denial, causing Blaine to grip his hands a bit tighter, slinking a finger inside Kurt's curled ones as he tries to get the man to relax.

"Kurt," he says quietly, "the way you smiled after I stopped singing— it was beautiful, and it felt real—no, listen to me, Kurt; If you were running away, you wouldn't be sitting here."

He gives yet another gentle squeeze, and Kurt's eyes dart to their joined hands.

"But I—I'm scared," Kurt manages to get out, his tears still trailing down his cheeks. "I'm scared of what's going to happen," he continues, shuddering slightly as he takes another deep breath. "And I'm scared of myself," he finishes lamely with his confession, not even daring to look at Blaine as he says it, because he knows that Blaine knows. He knows that Blaine is aware of what he is trying to do.

And Kurt can't say that he isn't scared of what Blaine is to him, because he is. He's frightened, to be honest. And if Blaine hadn't shown up on his porch a week ago— well; Kurt isn't sure if he wants to admit it to himself. The little joy that Blaine did bring to his life seemed to be enough for that week - and Kurt is scared; scared of what impact Blaine has on him after only a week; scared of how the events will turn out to be if it continues.

"You don't have to be scared of yourself," Blaine mumbles and holds Kurt against his chest, burying his nose into the nest of brown hair. "You're beautiful."

Kurt flinches, because he knows he really isn't.

(All those times he'd thought he was beautiful, but Andrew turned him down. All those times are still scarred upon his body and soul, and he can't believe it, he just can't, even if they are the words of the most honest, sweetest guy that has ever walked upon Earth.)

"You are," Blaine insists then, as though he knows what Kurt's thinking. "And you'd be even more beautiful if you started believing in yourself."

Kurt turns and looks into Blaine's eyes, and his breath hitches when he finally sees the sincerity in those hazel eyes, and his heart stops for a moment.

And there is a moment.

Blaine's hands securing Kurt's, stroking the pale skin softly.

Kurt's eyes flickering between Blaine's eyes and Blaine's lips and (when did it become so hot in here, he wonders?) he sucks in his lips, licking them nervously.

There is a moment between them, and Kurt's hands are shaking, but not because he's crying, but because he's nervous and he feels a blush creeping from his cheeks, down his throat and covering his chest.

Why is he so nervous?

There is a moment, and Blaine tries to swallow down the lump in his throat. He wonders how they could go from fighting, to crying to having a moment this tense, yet surprisingly relaxed, and he swallows again, blinking rapidly (would he wake up, he wonders?) and he bites his lip.

There is a moment between them, where they lean towards each other, and they can feel the other's breath blowing upon their skin; they can smell the other's scent of coffee and vanilla and they are so close they can see the linings of their skin and Kurt almost lets out a cry at the intensity of the moment and—

And then the sound of a crying toddler rings through the room and both Kurt and Blaine yelp and pull back slightly, staring at each other with a gaze filled with surprise, disappointment but also soul-baring honesty and they are both desperately trying to figure out what just had happened when Kurt clasps his hand over his mouth.

He tries to ignore the cold around it, as it leaves Blaine's.

"We forgot about Fai!" he yelps and lets go of Blaine's embrace as he runs into Fai's room. Blaine stalks after, trying to collect his thoughts of what just happened.

They had been about to kiss, hadn't they? Does that mean Kurt likes him? Who initiated it? Would Blaine screw it up? Had he already? Was their moment lost in the past forever, or would it reappear soon?

He sighs, pulling a hand through his hair.

But no one could fake the passion in that moment, he muses to himself with a frown. Kurt can live in pretend best he wants, but that- that couldn't possibly have been pretend.

Could it?

He almost crashes into Kurt when he enters the room just to find Kurt standing there, rocking the small child in his arms back and forth, making cooing sounds.

For a moment, Blaine can't get a word out, because at this moment Kurt looks so- so relaxed, for some reason.

It's nice with a change, and Blaine files the information away for later. If Kurt is relaxed while taking care of Fai, he should do it a bit more. Not the stressful work, obviously, because that's what Blaine's there for. But the simple tasks, like calming her down, holding her, playing with her- Kurt seemed to enjoy these things, and Blaine would make sure that he would exploit it.

Hopefully, Kurt wouldn't complain.

"I—I'm sorry," Blaine says, scratching the back of his neck. "I shouldn't have kept you so long." He isn't sure what to do or say but Kurt just smiles awkwardly at him and nods towards the kitchen

"Could you make dinner?" he asks softly, his gaze fixated on the floor. As much as he wanted to talk to Blaine right now, he couldn't look at him just yet. He feels somewhat embarrassed, yet undeniably delighted, at the earlier turn-out of events.

Blaine nods and leaves for the kitchen where he leans against the corner, pressing a hand to his forehead, fingers creeping under his curls.

He isn't sure when he had lost his sanity, but if he could choose a moment, then he would surely pick the moment when he had looked into Kurt his eyes earlier. Either he had lost his sanity, or given away his heart.

He shakes his head lightly and chuckles at his own thoughts. A smile tugs his lips and he roams the cupboards in search for food. He decides that something easy would do, because he's too distracted to come up with something else.

Mac n' Cheese would have to do, even though Kurt isn't that very fond of it, he guesses. (Cheese is apparently bad for the skin, if Kurt's words are anything to go by.)

Then it dawns upon him, and his eyes widen in horror.

Kurt's words regarding food aren't anything to go by. In fact, he should start with something big, maybe three-course dinner. He recognises the fact he's a bit silly, but Kurt's health is important.

And if Kurt doesn't take care of himself, Blaine would.

"Shit," he curses, covering his face with a hand. "Why isn't there a guide of how to take care of an almost-stranger with eating disorder and depression?" he mutters, moving over to the freezer. "Please have fish, please have fish," he prays, sending a pleading eye to anyone above, as he opens the door.

His face is met by the cold, and he blinks, hoping his eyes won't turn to ice.

He swears as his hands almost turn to ice as he opens drawer after drawer until he finally finds something: salmon.

"Thank God," he groans, letting out a relieved sigh, almost wanting to kiss the fish.

He didn't, though, of course.

But Kurt would most likely eat it—it's healthy and it's tasty. With a few greens and some mashed potatoes, he's certain he could get the man to eat a few bites (he hopes on an entire plate, but that's just dreaming).

He prepares the dinner and makes Fai's food as he waits. He wonders if Kurt would sit with him and Fai during dinner, or leave them to hide in his room, or leave Blaine alone and take Fai to his room—

He shrugs away the train of thought. Kurt's old enough to do what he wants (though Blaine would force him to eat in his presence, even if it meant stomping on Kurt's feet again).

When he's eventually done with the dinner, he calls for Kurt, who a few moments appear in the doorway, holding Fai against his hip and a smile on his lips.

Blaine stares, perplexed.

"It smells wonderful," Kurt announces before putting Fai onto the high-chair. "You'd make a wonderful chef."

Blaine blushes. "You're just—"

"Nope, it's the honest truth," Kurt interrupts, ducking his head shyly. "I mean—I'm not an expert, but I'm sure it'll taste heaven."

"Well, the food is ready, so you can serve yourself a plate and dive in!"

The dark-haired man smiles widely, already putting food upon a plate (not too much, but obviously more than Kurt would've taken by himself) and hands it over to Kurt.

Kurt smile dies a little as he registers the amount of food, but he says nothing.

Blaine is doing his best to ignore the pang in his heart.

Just for good measure, he serves himself a lot more than Kurt, hoping it would encourage the man to eat it all up.

(Blaine knows Kurt will leave half of it, though.)

They both sit by the table. Blaine is eyeing Kurt and Kurt is expertly avoiding Blaine by staring at Fai.

The little child, oblivious to the tension in the room, laughs when she spills food into her bib.

Blaine bites his lip, trying to eat in Kurt's pace, which is agonisingly slow.

"I'm done," Kurt announces, pushing away his plate, barely touched. "It was wonderful and—"

"Please, Kurt," Blaine interrupts, meeting the man's eyes. "Spare me. You've barely touched your food."

"I had a snack—"

"You did not," Blaine rolls his eyes. "Listen, I—I understand it's hard. Really, I do. And it's a bit awkward between us right now— because of the— because of earlier," he clears his throat and blushes. "

"That was my fault, by the way," Kurt mumbles, nibbling his lip.

"No one is at fault," Blaine tells him. "I don't think it was bad," he dares to say, looking down at his own food.

Kurt, for some reason, looks surprised. "You didn't?"

"Nope."

The brown-haired man smiles a little, and Fai lets out a whoop.

"So," Kurt begins, clearing his throat and leisurely pushes around his food with his fork. "I don't really know-"

"If I may be bold," Blaine speaks up, this time looking into Kurt's eyes, "I'd say I wanna try it again. This time, without disruption." His eyes flicker to Fai before darting back to Kurt's.

Kurt almost chokes, and he's not sure what to say, so instead, he takes a bite of his food to look busy.

He chews slowly, to gather his thoughts.

"I—I'm not sure if—"

"It's okay," Blaine says dejectedly, shoulders slouching. "I understand—"

"—What?" Kurt frowns. "I was going to say that I'm not sure if I'm ready to—to move so fast, but I think I like—um— being with you so, if you—well, if you wait, I'm sure I—"

"Oh." Blaine's face lightens, and Kurt's heartache is replaced by a fluttering feeling of happiness.

He thinks that it's hope.

"So," Kurt clears his throat again, taking another bite of the food. "I was wondering—I haven't watched a film in a while—"

"Snow White is on TV at seven," Blaine announces. "Do you like Snow White?"

Kurt grins. "It's Disney, come on. Who doesn't like Snow White?"

Blaine figures he could say that Voldemort probably doesn't, but he doesn't say it out loud, because he doesn't want Kurt to think he's that weird.

Fai raises her spoon into the air, causing the mashed food flying right into Blaine's face.

* * *

Blaine watches Kurt from the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest, as the man puts Fai to bed, covering her little body with a blanket. He leans his head against the hard wood as he smiles. And he even finds himself wondering why he's smiling.

He watches as Kurt straightens his back and turns around, mirroring Blaine's smile. Though a bit taken by surprise that Blaine was watching him, his eyebrows raise slightly.

"You look better," Blaine states as a matter of fact. Kurt hasn't run out to the bathroom yet, or locked himself up in his room and Blaine likes to call it improvement.

"I feel better," Kurt counters softly, leaning against the opposite side of the door-seal. "Just a bit, but it is better." He lowers his gaze, letting the loose bangs fall over his eyes as he realises what he just had said.

Why did he tell Blaine that, he wondered?

But before Kurt has the opportunity to think about it too much, Blaine lays an encouraging hand on Kurt's shoulder, giving it a soft squeeze before pulling his hand back. Kurt shoots him a hopeful smile and Blaine returns the favour.

They stay quiet for a while, but this time, it isn't really awkward. Kurt feels his shoulders, usually tense, lax at the ease between them.

He takes the moment to advantage; he lets his eyes examine Blaine's body. He does look good, Kurt decides as his eyes linger on Blaine's arms. A bit short, he admits, but the man still carries himself with pride.

Which is something Kurt respects.

Blaine does have a sense of fashion too, obviously, even though he sometimes wears clothes Kurt has to question. But it's never too bad; never on the level of disaster that Rachel has in her wardrobe.

"I'm proud of you," Blaine eventually says, pushing himself up from against the doorframe. Kurt snaps his eyes back at Blaine's face, his cheeks stinging a little for being caught staring. "I really am," he repeats and misses the way Kurt's eyes widen in shock as he turns around, and he misses the way Kurt's the eyelids droop and a content smile stretches his lips.

When Blaine walks down to the living-room, Kurt is not far behind. With hesitant steps, he follows the shorter man to the couch, where Blaine slumps down, gesturing his hand for Kurt to do the same.

But the fashionable man can't help but wondering how this had become; the uncomfortable tension that had always been present, sometimes more noticeable than others, it is gone. It's strange, Kurt supposes, but it's also a relief of being able to breathe in the other man's presence.

Kurt grins mischievously as he grabs a blanket and tosses it at Blaine's face before following the suit and sits down on the couch, trying to ignore the way it forms after his body. Blaine gives him a playful glance and grabs the pillow behind him, throwing it at Kurt.

Kurt dodges the pillow with ease, catching it with one hand. He sends Blaine a look, an obvious pretence of surprise plastered on his face. He looks at the pillow contemplatively before grinning devilishly and throws the pillow back at Blaine.

A laugh escapes Kurt's lips when he sees the evident surprise flashing over Blaine's features. Kurt's lips are pursed as he tries to stop himself from laughing. His eyes are gleaming rompishly when he sees Blaine pouting.

"You're evil," Blaine mutters, leaning closer. Kurt stiffens, trying to gently push Blaine away. However, he finds himself at Blaine's mercy only seconds later, when Blaine's fingers tickle him over his torso.

He screeches in-between of his choked laughter, tears prickling his eyes.

"Blaine!" he shouts, arching his back at Blaine's ruthless hands. "I—I can't breathe!"

And that's when Blaine decides that, okay, he really likes the sound of Kurt's laugh a bit more than he had expected. It may be because of the way Kurt is when he laughs; relaxed, even though his entire body is tense; the way his face scrunches and his eyes are screwed shut with tears leaking from the corners. It may be the way his laugh is so contagious, and Blaine cannot help but laugh too as he ignores Kurt's pleas of mercy and drags his fingers down on each side of Kurt's torso.

Another round of screeching laughter erupts from Kurt, and maybe it is because of how _alive_ Kurt seems to be, that Blaine refuses to stop.

However, Kurt seems to have something else in mind, and he launches his arm to meet Blaine's belly and starts tickling him too, unable to see where he was actually tickling.

"_Argh_!" Blaine screams, trying to twist his body away from Kurt's touch, but to no avail.

Kurt's grin grows wider, and he arches an eyebrow, as though to say: "Touched a sensitive spot, didn't I?"

His hands roam Blaine's tummy, fingers scratching lightly, causing Blaine to twitch and turn until he eventually falls on top of Kurt's legs, panting heavily as they both try to catch their breaths in-between of their mad laughter.

They eventually calm down, however, sighing in content at the other's presence. Shyly, Blaine sneaks a glance on Kurt, who apparently does the same, and both of them turn their gazes away with reddened cheeks.

Blaine quickly pushes himself up and extends his hand to Kurt, who eagerly accepts it. His heart skips a beat at the warm touch, and he curls his fingers over Blaine's, secretly enjoying the soft skin against his. The curly-haired man settles at the side of the couch and watches Kurt shifting awkwardly on the middle seat. Blaine can't help but roll his eyes at the sight.

"Come on," he mumbles, gesturing for Kurt to scoot over. However, Kurt doesn't move and shoots him a curious look.

"Come," Blaine repeats, patting a hand right beside him. Kurt hesitates, nibbling his lower lip, before he scoots closer. When he feels their bodies touching, he stops, not daring to cuddle up against him (though he doesn't know why he'd want that).

But then Blaine lays a hand over Kurt's shoulder, and suddenly it feels given he should cuddle up, letting his own arms fold nicely around Blaine's body. It's nice; it's content, to be so close to someone again, and though Kurt's heart is racing again (and hopefully Blaine's does too), he can slowly start to relax properly at the contact he's no longer used to.

Neither speaks as commercial after commercial passes on the television screen, though Blaine does hum along to some of the tunes. Kurt finds himself to enjoy it very much, and he can't help but cuddle a little more.

When Kurt sighs in satisfaction, nuzzling against Blaine's body, the dark-haired man flashes a smile at Kurt's way. He feels a bit stupid, the way their not-really-a-relationship has turned out, but he cannot really admonish himself for making both Kurt and himself happy.

Because no matter what Kurt says, Blaine can see he's gotten a bit happier; a bit better. It's a long way left, but he's on the way at least. He cannot help but feel proud of himself; at least some achievement has been made. He's gotten Kurt to talk some (and cry some), and most importantly, he's gotten him to eat.

It hadn't been much, but it had been more than the usual, and it had made Blaine immensely happy as he threw away the rest of Kurt's food to the waste-bin.

Finally, the first tune of Snow White appears on television and Blaine watches Kurt face light up just ever so slightly. He knows that Kurt looks at him to find any form of judgement on Blaine's face. And he knows that Kurt relaxes when he finds Blaine just smiling at him.

Blaine can't help but wonder if anyone's ever let Kurt cuddle up next to them, but he doesn't dare to voice his question. After all, all that matters is that Kurt can feel alive, and that he's happy.

They end up singing along to some of the songs and when they reach the part where the Prince appears, Blaine feels Kurt's hands gripping his shirt a bit tighter. They loosen up when the Prince kisses the pale figure, and with a sigh, Kurt pouts slightly.

"TV always makes things so believable, but honestly, I'm not seeing Prince Charming on a white, stately horse here," he mutters softly, glaring at the screen with an offended look. He hadn't realised that anyone could hear it.

Blaine grins brightly, and squeezes Kurt tighter against his body. "So you don't think I look like a Disney prince?"

Kurt looks up at Blaine with a bewildered look crossing his features, so Blaine pretends to be offended. He scrunches his face a little, his lower lip shooting out just slightly, and he crosses his arms over his chest.

And then he scoffs.

Kurt's eyes widen in realisation, and almost horror.

"I—I didn't mean it like that!" Kurt yelps quickly, pushing himself away from Blaine. "I—I swear, I just—"

But Blaine just smiles at him, a soft chuckle leaving his lips. "It's okay," he says, "I know I look more like Prince Eric anyway."

Kurt can't help but silently agree. His eyes squint as he laughs though, because Blaine is silly, and it's okay. It makes him feel more alive than he has been since-

Well.

It makes him feel alive.

They end up quiet again, watching the credits roll. Kurt closes his eyes though and rests his head against Blaine's shoulder. He feels oddly protected and safe, but he knows he shouldn't.

(He hates to remember how protected and safe he had felt in Andrew's arms, so he doesn't dare to believe in safety anymore.)

"Did you realise something, though?" Blaine breaks the silence and turns off the TV with the remote. Kurt looks at him questioningly. Blaine smiles widely. "You haven't complained about eating, and you took a few more bites of the food today," he explains, pride evident in his voice, but Kurt cannot ignore the hissing voices in his head. "It's given you a nice colour on your cheeks, though. You don't look transparent anymore," he jokes, but it falls flat between them.

Kurt frowns. "I shouldn't have eaten as much—"

Blaine interrupts. "I'm gonna stop you right there, Kurt. You're beautiful. A few more bites of the food is good for your health, especially when I can literally feel your ribs pressing against me, and you're wearing two layers," he informs Kurt, pursing his lips a little, because it shouldn't be that way. It really shouldn't.

Kurt wants to deny it, but he can't. He knows Blaine is right. He hadn't worried about the food far too much, and by this time, it'd probably been digested. He squirms a little, a bit uncomfortable at the memory of how much he'd eaten, but he can't look away from the truth.

He does look better. He's got more colour, and it looks nice.

Blaine watches Kurt thinking over his words in silence and smiles when he sees the other man's lips just go up slightly at the end.

Kurt sucks in his lips, a frown lining his forehead, and he fidgets at the hem of his shirt. He thinks that maybe Blaine isn't so bad, and that maybe he should let him in. Not all the way, obviously, but- but half-way can't hurt, can it?

"It's true," Kurt whispers eventually, closing his eyes. "What Rachel said," he clarifies. "About the—the abuse."

As the words leave his lips, he tenses a little, and he doesn't dare to look at Blaine because wouldn't he think Kurt's pathetic? Wouldn't Blaine think he's worthless, and that it's his own fault he never fought back?

But Blaine doesn't say anything, just tightens his hold around Kurt, pressing his lips on top of Kurt's head, and it doesn't feel weird at all.

Kurt feels a bit brave.

"I—I don't like to talk about it though," he continues. "It hurts to think about it."

He dares to breathe in deeply, and he presses back a little against Blaine's lips.

"I—I—" he stutters a little, not really sure what he's going to say, because he just doesn't know how to.

So he bites his lip, pulling away from Blaine's embrace and lifts his shirt about 30 cm and Blaine freezes, not really understanding what Kurt's up to.

But then he sees the scars, covering Kurt's skin; the marred skin lining the otherwise perfect skin and it makes his heart ache—who could do that to Kurt?

He leans forward and with tentative hands and shaking fingers, he touches the scars that made the skin of Kurt's back uneven and he almost doesn't dare to ask.

"Did he do this?" His voice is so low that Kurt almost shivers. Kurt nods absently, bowing his head down, almost as though he's ashamed. (He is, though, because he knows what Blaine is thinking, and he's scared because maybe this is where Blaine packs his bags and leaves him.)

"Kurt," Blaine whispers, gently stroking a thumb over a particular wide scar, crossing over Kurt's mid-back and Kurt flinches slightly at the touch. "This—this is crazy!"

Kurt his eyes widen in shock and waits for Blaine to stand up and run out of the door, just to stop in the doorway and yell at him how insane he is.

But Blaine doesn't.

Instead he continues to talk as he traces the scars with his fingers with feather-light touches.

"Kurt," he mumbles. "These aren't human." He stops at another particular scar, and his mind flashes him an unwanted image of the big welt that must've been there before. "These—how did you get them, Kurt?"

He doesn't really have to ask. The answer is glaring at him right before his eyes and he winces at the thought of a defenceless Kurt.

The man shakes his head numbly, and Blaine hums, releasing the shirt and brushes it down with his hands before hugging him tightly.

"They—they didn't hurt," Kurt whispers, swallowing thickly. "At that time, I didn't realise—I didn't really feel it—the pain. Be—because I thought that, if I took it, then maybe he would—maybe he would love me again," he admits, tugging his collar a little with his slender hands.

Blaine nods; he had expected something like that. He's not uneducated; he has heard tales about domestic violence, and many expressed the same point: They'd always hoped—always believed that they were hurt out of love, and that, when the abusive partner was finished, they would love the victim again.

But Blaine knows that isn't the case.

"But he didn't," Kurt finishes lamely, acknowledging Blaine's musings as he tilts his head to the side.

Blaine stretches out his arms again, and this time Kurt doesn't really need further encouragement before he crashes back into Blaine's embrace.

"He's gone, Kurt," Blaine reminds him gently, "and you don't have to be scared anymore."

They both know what to do, but they both know it isn't that simple, because life isn't simple. It's complex and has its twists, but in the end, it might just turn out fine. If Blaine manages to overcome the nightmares that plague him in his sleep, it might turn out fine. If Kurt manages to accept the past and let it go; if he manages to stand up for himself and believe in his own rights, then maybe it would turn out fine.

But until then, all Blaine could do is to stand up and extend his hand to Kurt, who watches him in light bewilderment but eventually takes Blaine his hand - only to be pulled up by the shorter man.

Blaine's hand fits nicely into Kurt's, and he leads them both into the kitchen, where they slump down on each a chair beside each other.

"What are we doing here?" Kurt asks, stifling a yawn with his hand.

"Nothing, really," Blaine shrugs. "I just thought it's nice to talk in the kitchen."

Kurt chuckles, and it sounds a bit forced. He pulls a hand through the now quite unruly hair and ruffles it a little in his leisure. Blaine sends him a questioning look, to which he shakes his head tiredly.

"I'm tired, is all," he answers Blaine's unasked question solemnly. And he is; he truly is tired. Kurt is so tired that he can barely keep his eyes open; they are heavy and droop over his eyes. However, he doesn't feel like sleeping, since that never does end well.

Blaine nods and faces the wall across them and his folded hands on his lap. Kurt stares at him in silence, waiting for Blaine to do something, but it never comes.

"Did I scare you?" Kurt whispers quietly and Blaine shakes his head furiously. "No, no, Kurt—" Blaine lifts his gaze up from his lap to look straight at Kurt. "I'm just trying to figure out what to say to you."

Kurt looks perplexed and Blaine just grins at him. "I mean," he sighs, almost sounding desperate as he grabs Kurt's hand. "I don't want to hurt you even more."

Kurt nods absently, trying to process the words that were being thrown at him. It's a lot to take in, but he supposes Blaine is kind of right. If they switched positions, he would have been uncertain how to advance, and what to say. So he settles for smiling at Blaine, who returns the favour gladly.

Kurt wonders what this means for them, for him and for Blaine. All this time he had been working on trying to keep people out and now, in matter of just a week, it's been all in vain.

But he guesses that it is okay, somehow it is, because he thinks it's a bit nice to have at least someone.

Kurt tilts his head to the side as he starts wondering why they sit there in silence; yet he finds that he doesn't care.

"I met him in NYADA," Kurt explains quietly, blinking rapidly to control his tears. "He was there for the showcase because he had attended the school 2 years before. Apparently he loved my voice so he asked me out on a date. I said no of course, but he came back and asked me over and over again. I told him no every time and refused to give in."

Blaine stares curiously at him, motioning for Kurt to go on. He does.

"I wish I'd kept it that way." He shudders lightly and lets go of Blaine's hands, folding his arms tight round himself.

"But he was so charming; he gave me flowers and serenaded me and all," Kurt feels the betraying tears burning again, but he takes a deep breath, refusing them to spill. "He was what you would call a Disney prince." He almost spits at the irony of it, and he nearly chuckles bitterly. "And we ended up together," he adds, feeling his heart racing as he reminisce the time.

"But on my 19th birthday," Kurt almost chokes as he claps his hand above his mouth and Blaine drops his arms across Kurt's shaking shoulders. "He forced me to," Kurt pauses to think about the right word.

He shuts his eyes, trying to ban the images of the horrible memory from his retinas, but he can't.

"You—you know," he chokes out, "to go all the way?"

Blaine feels his heart drop; Kurt sounds so helpless and his breath hitches. He decides that Kurt needs a hug, and he hugs him tightly, letting their bodies collide into the embrace.

"I—I wasn't ready, but he threatened me that he would leave. When I said no, he slapped me in the face," Kurt whispers into Blaine's shoulder. "And he was the only one I had, or thought I had." Blaine nods, feeling a bit proud over himself when Kurt acknowledges his mistake of wording.

"And I was scared," Kurt mutters. "He told me I was fat during the whole time, pinching my skin to prove his point, so he locked me up for two days without food." He's sobbing uncontrollably now, and between his hiccups, he manages to speak. "He was drunk, so I thought—" he trails off with a sharp intake of his breath. "I forgave him because I loved him, and he was drunk, and I agreed— I am fat." Blaine almost whines at the use of present tense, because Kurt isn't.

"But I'm tired," Kurt continues, the sobs softly dancing in the silence. "I'm tired of everything, and—and whatnot."

Blaine doesn't want to ask what he means with that, because he knows, deep inside, the meaning behind Kurt's words, and he's too scared to admit Kurt's capable of—

Of that.

He absently rubs his arm up and down Kurt's back again.

He thinks about his words and eventually opens his mouth. "Kurt," he speaks softly. "He is and was a demon; living in your past and memories." Kurt shudders. "But you can get rid of those demons," he continues. "Because they're not here anymore. And—and I don't know what more he did to you, but I promise you, I'll try to help you." Blaine whispers as he pulls apart from Kurt's body.

Their eyes lock, and Kurt can see the sincerity glimmer in Blaine's hazel eyes.

"And I'm proud of you, Kurt, I'm so, so proud of you." Blaine's own eyes burn with tears. "Look at you, you've got your dream work, you are taking care of a child and— and just look at you; look at all that you've achieved."

Kurt stays silent, musing over Blaine's words, and he feels a bit more courageous.

"And I'm so proud of you for talking to me about your past and your problems, and I can only encourage you to do so again," Blaine whispers. "Please, let me in so I can help you."

And Kurt shudders, because of his fluttering heart, and he just nods. After a couple moments of absolute silence, he rests his head on Blaine's shoulder and whispers:

"I'll try."

And that's all Blaine can ask for.

He falls asleep not long after on Blaine's shoulder. Blaine brushes some hair out of Kurt's face and smiles.

Because he feels like he's done something good today; feels like he's accomplished something, something great. He feels like he's done what his mother told him to do.

But he can't help but wonder if Kurt is going to wake up soon. He wonders if Kurt will scream or cry or both. He wonders if Kurt is going to shake in cold-sweat because of yet another nightmare haunting his mind. So he decides to stay with him, just in case, just because Kurt evidently needs someone to stay strong.

And he isn't sure that what he is doing is smart, he really isn't. But then he takes a look at Kurt's almost peaceful face that is resting on his shoulder and he knows it is alright.

He knows that it will be.

And he knows he is falling so terribly for Kurt.

He stands up slowly and scoops Kurt into his arms, carrying him like a princess with dreadful ease to Kurt's bedroom. Slowly opening the door lightly with his foot, he presses the light button with his elbow. He lays Kurt gently on the bed, thanking someone up above that Kurt had already changed into pyjamas, and covers his thin body with the blankets.

And he stares.

Perhaps a little bit too long.

He shakes his head violently and reaches out towards Kurt's face and kisses him lightly on the forehead.

He almost smiles at the sight of Kurt giving a soft smile in his sleep and sits down on the edge of the bed.

He wonders what tomorrow will give, and honestly, he can't help but worry.

What if Kurt decides to act like none of it happened? What if he decides to act defensively?

Blaine frowns at the thought and gives a gentle pat on Kurt's arm and gets up.

He should get some sleep too, Blaine decides, before he goes mental himself.

He switches off all the lights in the house and gives a quick peek into Kurt's room and then walks into his own room, lays down on the bed, and drifts off to sleep.

* * *

_Hey mom,_

_Blaine here again, you know._

_I had a really interesting day, well, if interesting is the right word._

_Kurt and I talked, and he finally opened up._

_I remember I always took your words for granted but now I'm glad you taught me them._

_Is it bad to say that I'm falling?_

_Probably._

_I'm going to bed now, _

_I love you mom,_

_Blaine._

* * *

**A/N:** So tell us what you think!

Will update once I get 4 reviews


	6. Family

AN:  
Well, I wrote this almost fully by myself, and I'm sorry - it is shorter, and you have waited a long time. I have no excuses, I'm sorry. I still hope you enjoy it and wait for next chapter to bail on me. Finally, I can start on writing the cheese and fluff and okayokay;

* * *

Two weeks had passed since that day.

For Blaine, that evening had meant the beginning of something new; as he would refer to it. For Kurt, it had meant the ending of something.

Ever since then, they have had a couple heart to heart conversations, and Blaine just found himself adoring Kurt even more, whilst Kurt found himself being able to open up around Blaine more and more. He felt safe around Blaine, no way around it. Blaine blamed the fact that he was falling for Kurt because of the lack of seeing other people. But not really.

* * *

_Blaine opens his eyes slowly. The feeling of dread is flooding in his blood, and he can't shake it off._

_With a frown, he gets up, and he soon realizes he's not in his bed. He's been sleeping on concrete, but for some reason, his back isn't hurting._

_He realizes he's outdoors, and the frown deepens. It's not dark per se, but the sunlight is certainly showing its absence. As he reaches the corner and turns right, there's an endless street in front of him. For some reason, he doesn't look behind him, but continues forward as though he has to._

_And he walks. For a long time._

_Whispers echo in the emptiness, as though it is the wind. There is no wind, just words, lingering in the air like a scent. It's barely there, and Blaine can't understand them, but it sends shivers to his spine and he wants to turn around, but he can't._

_And then he manages to cock his head, and then he sees it._

_Or them._

_Kurt and Fai, with their faces contorted in pain as their silent screams never leave their mouths. And there his father is, hovering above them with a fist raised. And his fist is bloody and with gut-wrenching realisation it dawns on him that the blood isn't his father's, or Blaine's, but Kurt and Fai's._

_"Dad!" he shouts, trying to get his attention, but he doesn't turn around. Kurt is reaching out for him, trying to protect Fai with his body but Blaine's dad keeps slamming his fist at them._

_There is no mercy._

_Blaine screams. He tries to quicken his pace, but all it seems to do is to extend the distance._

_"Kurt!" he shouts. "Kurt, I'm here!"_

_But Kurt falls limp on the ground. Fai turns her head, suddenly not in pain, but looks at Blaine with hatred in her eyes—and Blaine doesn't understand. Fai is too young to feel hatred. She's too young to mirror that emotion in her eyes._

_"Fai?" he asks, his pace faltering._

_"You were supposed to look after us," comes a voice, and it's so dark, so wide it almost hits him in the face. The voice isn't Fai's._

_And suddenly they're gone, leaving Blaine with his father._

_His dad turns around and faces Blaine, a wicked grin plastered on his face._

_"Well," he says, and the word sends Blaine to a quick stop. "Look what we've got here. The queerest of them all."_

_"Dad, please," Blaine pleads, and he tries to back away, but he can't. Instead the distance seems to shorten, and his dad is standing only inches away from him._

_"You think I'd be happy you found another queer? Someone with a kid? You know, I think I need to teach you yet another lesson."_

_Blaine wants to run away, but he can't. Instead his father's fist slams into his cheek, eliciting a scream from the smaller man that really isn't a man at all._

_Blaine is just a little boy._

Kurt wakes up from the sound of a yell, and he jumps right up - thinking it is Fai's yell. After a few seconds he realises that the sound is coming from Blaine's room and hurries over there. He's scared, alright. He does care about Blaine, even though he will not admit it.

He rushes into the room and sees Blaine's body laying there, sweating eargly, trying to grab onto things.

* * *

_5:00 AM Thursday. _

"Blaine, Blaine!" Kurt yells eagerly as he shakes the shaking body. "Blaine, wake up!"

Kurt watches Blaine open his eyes slowly, filled with tears - staring in confusion at Kurt. The older man honestly feels his heart drop at the sight. Blaine is such a collected man, so sure of himself and seeing him like this, honestly, breaks Kurt's heart.

Honestly, Kurt is aware that Blaine often yells in his sleep, and no - not in the good way. But he has never seen the boy freak out like this. Perhaps he should be mad at himself for worrying, but maybe he shouldn't.

But often Kurt spots the dark circles underneath Blaine's eyes, and it stings. It really does. Because Blaine is taking care of Kurt so well, and he can't do anything for him. He just sits there, watching him and hoping he can figure it out. And it drives Kurt insane.

The broken look that Blaine gives Kurt the moment he wakes up, doesn't stay very long and he runs a hand through his hair.

"Wut's goin' on?" Blaine mumbles into the pillow as he rolls around. Not long after, Kurt grabs him by the shoulder and flips him over again. Kurt shoots him a death glare and Blaine stares back in confusion.

"You were screaming," Kurt whispers to the curly-haired boy; not all to sure why he is whispering though. Perhaps the scared feelings he had are being portrayed in being unable to say them out loud. "I thought you were dying, or something."

Blaine stares hard at Kurt and tries to figure out what he had just been told. Is this the point where he reaches the button of mental? When he starts yelling out his nightmares while sleeping, is this what he'll become? He sits up lazily and stares at his lap as he tries to confirm everything that is happening.

Kurt shifts awkwardly at the lack of response from Blaine and gives a small cough, causing the younger to snap his head at Kurt - sad look covering his eyes. He is rethinking the decision of telling Blaine right now, and is contemplating on leaving when the small voice comes from the bed. It sounds so muffled and broken that Kurt is almost guessing that he is _sick._

"I'm sorry, nightmare." Blaine mumbles. He isn't lying. He _was_ having a nightmare. But something feels different, and he knows that Kurt knows it too. His forehead was sweating and yet his body was shaking. He shoots the older male a hopeful glance and Kurt nods.

He gives a sad smile and covers Blaine's forehead with his hand, to discover that Blaine is indeed running a fever like he was expecting before.

"I'm just going to call work that I'm not coming in today, and then I'll grab the medicine kit okay?" Kurt asks with a soft voice, his hand gripping Blaine's as he squeezes it reassuringly. Alright, screw the_ 'I'm not going to worry about Blaine'_- plan, because here is - sitting on the edge of his bed, and worried sick.

Kurt likes to call it his defense, pushing people away that is. Mostly it goes easy, as most people just come and go in his life. But with Blaine? Not so easy. The past few days, Kurt found himself stealing glances at Blaine, punishing his own mind for doing so afterwards. Sometimes when he's cuddled up against Blaine, which is _totally_ normal when you're not in a relationship, he finds himself wondering why. Because it isn't normal to be cuddling with someone you're not in a relationship with. Perhaps he is even wondering if he is the one holding them back.

But when Blaine pulls him closer to his chest, Kurt decides that maybe he should forget about all his stupid boundaries that he decided for other people - because this is_ Blaine._The man that watches his daughter, lives in his house and cooks dinner for him every evening.

Sometimes, Kurt finds himself watching Blaine interact with Fai, and all he can do is smile. Because it goes so simple, and the past 2 weeks have been so simple. _All _of it goes simple. This easy routine that they have fallen into. And Kurt is almost scared to admit that _honestly,_ he likes it.

"Why would you skip work?" Blaine asks with a small voice, a slight frown covering his forehead - knitting his eyebrows closer together. In all honesty, Blaine finds the offer very endearing and new coming from Kurt - but he can't ask the older male to do that.

"I-I, uhh," Kurt frowns as he thinks of his words. "I'm worried okay? Plus, you can't take care of my daughter when you're sick."

_Nice cover up, _Kurt grins at himself._ Way to make the guy feel better. _

But Blaine just squeezes Kurt's hand softly, giving him a soft smile, startling the other male. Kurt ducks his head to hide his blush but Blaine catches it and chuckles softly.

"Come lay with me?" Blaine's voice is almost a whisper but Kurt can hear it loud and clear. His voice sounds so vulnerable and lonely that he almost gives in to the request immediatly but manages to restrain himself.

But in the end, this is_ Blaine -_- and he moves forward towards Blaine's body and lays down next to him, unsure of what to do. They just lay there in silence, joined hands between them - staring at the ceiling.

"I didn't mean to scare you," Blaine whispers after a moment, his eyes not leaving the ceiling one moment. He doesn't dare to look at Kurt, and even considers the option that he doesn't want to.

Kurt does look at Blaine, scanning quickly over Blaine's facial features that looked so tired and sad; and it breaks his heart to see how child-like the boy looks right now. He runs a thumb softly over Blaine's hand and the curly-haired boy closes his eyes slowly.

"You didn't," Kurt says quietly, voice dropping by some octaves. "I was just worried."

A comfortable silence develops between the two of them. They just lay there, as total equals, Kurt running a thumb over Blaine's fingers in the total silence, only to be broken by their breathing.

Kurt can't help but wonder if this is what it is to feel at ease. To feel comfortable with someone by doing nothing, saying nothing.

And perhaps he decides that he likes it.

It has been so long since he has that he can't even remember if he actually had at some point.

Blaine on the other side finds himself worrying. Worrying about what is happening to him. And perhaps he feels a bit soothed by the fact that Kurt is laying next to him, but -.

Kurt is the one to eventually break the silence.

"Your nightmare," he asks on a curious tone. "was it about_ him?"_ The way he says the word, or rather spits the word was full of angry feelings.

"Yeah," Blaine affirms.

Couple of days ago when they had been talking, Blaine had spilled that he and his dad didn't really get along. He told Kurt that his father had kicked him out when he came out, but waved it off. Though Kurt was bothered by it that Blaine didn't have his father around. Something wasn't right when Blaine told him. Perhaps it was the look in his eyes, or the way he was holding his body.

Kurt watches Blaine for a couple of moments, the sad look on the boy's face changing into a rather gloomy one, and he questions his options. Blaine was always there for him when he needed a hug, so why can't he be there for Blaine when he needs someone to be there?

Perhaps because Kurt calls himself weak.

Kurt reaches out and grabs Blaine, pulling him closer to him. The moment he clasps his arms around him, he feels the other boy his walls break down and hears the agonised cries coming from the other. He buries Blaine's face somewhere under his neck, somewhere on his chest - but he can't really care.

Blaine wraps his arms around Kurt too, almost shaking when he does so. He has never felt so grateful that someone is there for him right now. Melting into the warmth of Kurt's body, he cries.

And he can't help but wonder how long it has been. And he can't help but wonder if Kurt would think he's weak now? But when Kurt starts whispering soft words into his ear, he really can't be bothered thinking anymore.

So he stops crying.

They just lay there, in total silence, Blaine clinging onto the other male; Kurt's arms wrapped around him.

"Go to sleep, Blaine." Kurt whispers into his ear, and Blaine can't help but quietly nod into Kurt's skin.

He drifts off to sleep minutes after, laying in the tight embrace of one Kurt Hummel; and he can't help but wonder what it means.

Because he feels at _home._

* * *

Blaine wakes up by the sound of a crying toddler and grunts loudly. The moment he wants to roll over on his back, he crashes into what can only be called_ a body. _He takes a moment to gather what is actually going on, and takes in the view of Kurt. Kurt's arms around him. Kurt's feet entangled with his.

And Blaine yelps.

Kurt's body reacts to the sound and grips Blaine tighter to him, nuzzling his nose into Blaine's mop of curls. As much Blaine wants to push Kurt away, he just can't. The peaceful look and the small smile on Kurt's face look so normal, that he can't push him away. Plus, it does feel kinda nice.

His mind wavers back to how he could possibly have ended up in this position, when he suddenly remembers. He lets out a small sigh as he rests his head against Kurt's chest again. He suddenly feels thankful for Kurt being there for him and gives his bicep a reasurring squeeze.

And Kurt's eyes open lazily.

"I'm trying to sleep," he complains when he is in the process of rubbing his eyes. "Why does there always have to be someone to wake me up?"

He blinks his eyes twice and when he gains focus, his eyes meet with Blaine's that are clouded with fear.

"Blaine!" He yelps. "What are you doing?" He takes a quick look at their position. Blaine on his chest, Kurt's other arm draped across Blaine's waist, his feet tangled into Blaine's and - _what? _

He takes another quick look at Blaine's face, and you could now visibly see that he was scared. You could also see the redness still in Blaine's eyes and suddenly the moment comes back to Kurt.

"Oh, Blaine." Kurt mutters on a soothing tone and gives him a sad smile. The muscles in Blaine's face relax and he rests his body against the bed again.

"Kurt, I don't want want to annoy you - but Fai was crying earlier." His voice was so silent that it was almost a whisper. Earning a sigh from Kurt, the taller man nuzzles his face once more into Blaine's curls.

"I don't want to get up." Kurt whispers back at Blaine, grinning softly into his curls.

"Lazy butt."

"Says who?"

"Auch," Blaine laughs silently, giving the other a small push in the chest. "Get up handsome, go help your daughter."

Kurt halts for a second at the term and untangles his body from Blaine's and rolls of the bed. When he stands next to the bed, he grins once more at Blaine.

"I'll go to my daughter first, then call work, and then check upon the curly-haired boy I'm supposed to babysit today."

Blaine is almost rendered speechless as he watches Kurt leave the room, his jaw hanging open somewhat awkwardly as he stutters out an "O-Ok?"

To say the whole situation was a tad awkward would be right. Not that he is complaining about waking up next to just only the most beautiful man he's ever seen. But the thing that bothers him is that, well, he _does_ like Kurt - and doing stuff like this with him, it makes him feel like_ crap _afterwards.

Because he knows it isn't real.

He wants to tell Kurt so badly how he feels, but he knows he can't. Kurt isn't ready for that, Blaine decides. Though he hates himself for calling Kurt weak and broken. But he can't risk the progress that Kurt is making for his own selfish needs, can he?

He huffs as he falls against the covers again, closing his eyes slowly.

_One day._

* * *

To say that Blaine is feeling better, is an understatement - because he is feeling wonderful. Pure bliss he would call it, but that sounds rather wrong - he decides.

But since Kurt has taken the day off, he finds himself doing stuff with both Fai and Kurt - and to put it lightly, he was _enjoying _every single minute of it.

When he was a kid, they had never done this kind of stuff, and honestly - doing all of this together with these two almost felt like a _family. _He has gone over the word a couple of times before, but he finds himself wondering if he's being ridiculous and perhaps getting a bit lost in his crush on Kurt.

But they had been making cupcakes for the past hour, having the occasionally throwing stuff at eachother and Blaine found himself smiling, laughing; and each time he took a glance over at Kurt, he found the other man doing the same.

"Blaine," Kurt says absent-mindly, waving hi one hand to the back. "Pass me the glitter."

When Blaine does what Kurt asks, Kurt takes Fai's little hand into his and starts drawing little faces onto the cupcakes with the glitter-stift.

Blaine watches them in awe as he sits next to Fai - watching both of them working carefully and he smiles. Fai lets out a whoop as she pushes her whole hand into the glitter, earning a glare from Kurt as she did so, and a small laugh from Blaine.

Fai turns her head towards Blaine, pressing her hand on Blaine's face as she happily exclaims 'Dada!' over and over again, pressing her hand into Blaine's face over and over again.

And Blaine can't do anything else but stare at her, and then at Kurt, and then back at Fai, and then for a longer time back at Kurt - who is staring at her with the same look as Blaine.

When she finally pulls her hand back to play with the glitter on her hands, gargling, Blaine finds the power to speak.

"What," he mumbles, and Kurt ends the sentence for him. "just happened?"

Kurt changes his gaze over to Fai and watches her quietly, biting his lip and then looks back over at Blaine. The curly-haired boy's face is covered in glitter, but Kurt just can't care less right now.

"She called you dada," Kurt mumbles, not sure whether to crack a smile at Blaine or not. Blaine does though; he smiles brightly at her and then at Kurt.

Kurt grins at Blaine afterwards, because he recalls their conversation from last week, where this topic had occured. They had talked about the possibility that Fai would start calling him Dada, but they didn't expect it to come so soon.

"She called me dada." He whispers happily, not all too sure why though. Because it isn't like Kurt is his and Fai isn't his, but why does he feels so happy about it?

She gargles once more and Kurt lifts her up from the chair, holding her close to his chest. He watches Blaine watching them, and smiles at him, motions him over.

When Blaine stands in front of them, he shoots Kurt a curious look.

"I wanna try something," Kurt mumbles quietly. "Can you, uh," he pauses for a second. "hug me?" He asks, hanging his head a bit lower - gaze avoiding Blaine's.

Blaine lays one arm across Kurt's shoulder, giving him a rather confused glance. The toddler inbetween them gives them a curious glance and tugs onto Blaine's shirt. Kurt fidgets for his phone and eventually finds it, opening the camera.

"Is it okay?" He asks tentativily, his voice so soft that it sounds he could be broken any second.

Blaine is startled for a second but then nods, smiling at the camera as it gives a small_ flash._

"Why though?" Blaine asks afterwards, tilting his head slowly to the side as he slides his arm off Kurt.

Kurt turns to put Fai back in the high chair, and shrugs. "Don't know," he straightens his back and looks over at Blaine. "I don't have that much pictures with Fai," he pauses for a second, inhaling a deep breath.

"Honestly, that is the first one I've taken in ages. A-And, I didn't want to take it alone, you know?" He mumbles as runs a hand through Fai's hair, gaining a whoop from her.

"It's okay Kurt," Blaine says eventually. "You don't have to explain yourself to me." He frowns as he tries to avoid Kurt's stare. Kurt nervously changes his gaze over to the counter and then back at Fai's hair.

"I feel like I'm failing at raising my child," Kurt mumbles as he runs his fingers through Fai's hair once more. Flicking his gaze over to some point between Blaine's eyebrows, he smiles a sad smile at him.

"Not just, the big things," Kurt continues. "just, the smaller things - like the zoo, pictures and all that."

Blaine gives a small nod in agreement and understanding as he watches Kurt swallow thickly the mental lump in his throat away.

"You're not failing, Kurt -" He starts off, carefully thinking about his words as he watches the older male. "It's just hard, you're doing this all by yourself - look at yourself."

He motions towards the taller male, waving his hands up and down. "In my opinion, you're doing great. You're managing your job, and a child - all by yourself not to mention! It's not weird to say that you need some help from someone, for example, me." He softly states, catching Kurt's hand, stopping his motions through Fai's hair.

Kurt nervously changes his gaze towards Blaine, almost feeling limp by the touch. He searches the kind gaze that meets his eyes seconds later.

"Trust me," Blaine says. "You're doing fine." He gives Kurt one more reassuring nod, and drops his hands, returning back to the cupcakes, leaving Kurt in utter confusion.

* * *

Once Kurt has put the toddler to bed, he finds Blaine passed out on the couch, drooling lightly. Giving him a slight punch, Blaine straddles awake, confused look on his face. He motions to Blaine to move to the side, and falls onto the couch seconds later, exhausted but happy look plastered on his face.

"You seem happy," Blaine states, goofy smile spread across his face. Kurt his smile spreads across his face too, passing a happy look to him.

"I am happy," he retorts happily. "thank you."

He closes his mouth, a small shy nod following the gesture - leaving Blaine in awe. It has been a while since Blaine was trying to get such a reaction from the other man - and honestly, now that he's got it.

It was _awesome._

Blaine has never felt so proud of himself before, he thinks. Just that smile on Kurt's face, he feels accomplished. Truly accomplished.

"Doesn't matter Kurt, I'm happy I could help - really." _It's the only thing I wanted to do actually._

"So this Disney marathon we were going to do," Kurt says silently, almost shy because of the past couple minutes. "Want to start it off now?"

"Sure!" Blaine exclaims happily. Just minutes later, Kurt settles next to Blaine on the couch as Lady & the tramp starts playing. Even from the start, both are already in awe, following every moment on the screen.

"I love this movie so much." Kurt suddenly says, a sigh mid-sentence. Blaine agrees reluctantly. They both laugh at a funny sentence and Kurt leans a bit closer to Blaine, and rest his face on his shoulder.

The spaghetti scene comes along and Blaine feels Kurt move.

"It makes me so jealous, I want to fall in love too." He mutters sadly afterwards.

Blaine watches Kurt's face fall a bit into a frown, and he almost feels his heart break at the view.

"You will, Kurt." He nods whilst he says it. "Just you wait, you will."

But all of sudden Kurt starts crying, loudly - burying his face in the pillow. "No I won't!" he yells into the pillow. "I won't fall in love, I can't trust anyone! Nobody likes me and with Fai it is difficult to even meet decent men and I don't know what to do, I don't want to be alone and-"

Kurt is cut off by Blaine kissing him softly on the lips, cupping his face with both of his hands . If he had known that Kurt's lips would be this soft, he would have done this sooner. He feels at peace. When he lets go, he meets Kurt's confused stare, mixed with a bit of anger - and Blaine prepares for the worst.

Kurt gets up and storms out the door, and Blaine is sure he could hear the sobs coming from Kurt's room as he listens from the outside.

He ruined everything didn't he?

He really did.

* * *

Kurt locks the door fastly behind him and crashes onto the bed, crying loudly. Why did Blaine have to do that? Why today?

_'You're ugly!'_ he hears his mind screaming._ 'He only kissed you because you looked pathetic!'_

He cries himself to sleep as he dreads the day that is coming tomorrow.

He already hates tomorrow, he decides.


End file.
